tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post7144650804784369169..comments2023-10-29T05:29:04.132-05:00Comments on Unwritten: Money MattersHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13620286246484408761noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-77657693852085286122010-06-13T22:44:51.527-05:002010-06-13T22:44:51.527-05:00We have several "ours" accounts. 1 main...We have several "ours" accounts. 1 main checking account where our paychecks are deposted. One savings account specifically for the mortage, every paycheck a 1/4 of the mortgage is automatically moved to that account and then there the mortgage gets paid from it. We have another general savings account that gets 25 dollars a paycheck moved into it. Each of the kids of a savings account that gets money automatically moved to it. Our stock brokerage account automatically gets money moved to it. <br />Everything is ours. I'm the main bill payer, but he does analysis every month on what came in and what went out and where it went. We talk to each other about all "big" purchases, and what is "big" depends on where we are in the month or if we've had any unexpected expenses lately. <br />You guys need to find what works for you two/three as a family. Every family is different based on the "money personalities" of each person involved. What sounds great for me, or for another person may cause huge issues or fights or tension for you guys. This is a conversation you need to be having with Jim...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-62948359945734952962010-06-13T00:24:05.523-05:002010-06-13T00:24:05.523-05:00All great questions and concerns. I'm kind of...All great questions and concerns. I'm kind of in the same boat as you but more unexpectedly. My boyfriend's house got broken into for the second time in 5 years, and it made him sick so he moved in with me. He still has a house payment and bills, and so do I. So far we are keeping everything separate. He's also going to school and will have that debt, where my college is paid for. So far we've been splitting groceries, trips and gas (he drives to his family functions, I drive to mine) etc. We don't have the kid factor yet. He's in the process of fixing up and selling his house. When that happens he doesn't want to pay rent, but does want to help out. You were both making it separately on your own, so have him help out with whatever he was paying before on his own, and you use that to pay down the morgage on the house. That's what we are going to do and it seems to be working so far.Wolversnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-90738657455051109212010-06-12T21:52:23.081-05:002010-06-12T21:52:23.081-05:00Oh and in my super long comment (sorry!) I forgot ...Oh and in my super long comment (sorry!) I forgot to say that we just absorbed any debt either of us brought in (which in our case only my husband had debt) and worked to pay it off together. It never bothered me that he brought debt with him, the choices he made were smart and necessary - and even if they weren't I love him. I don't mind working together to make our life better and debt free. Just made sense to me to put all resources together and go from there.Kayceehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02469960707724284744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-44269082903216021662010-06-12T21:49:20.816-05:002010-06-12T21:49:20.816-05:00We only have an "ours" account but it is...We only have an "ours" account but it is subdivided for specific things too. All money we earn deposits into checking. From there some auto-transfers to different savings accounts. We have one for our mortgage (which our payment auto-transfers out of too), one for our daughter's college savings, one where we save up for large yearly expenses (car insurance, Christmas, etc). We also have one where an allowance of sorts is auto-transferred. We 'give' ourselves an allowance every Friday that is totally spent however we want throughout the week (spend it, save it, offer to buy pizza for the family one night, whatever). As for the main checking and the rest of the bills we run a budget spreadsheet in Excel. We each know the monthly allotment that way for each category (grocery, repair, gas, fun, etc). We try to pay attention to that and let each other know about major purchases (ex. my husband has to repair our lawn mower, he let's me know how much so I don't buy something not 'necessary' out of repair that month that we could wait on). Pretty much any major purchase is discussed before either of us buys it. Even just a casual - I was thinking I would buy some new shoes since mine are worn out. That way if someone knows something about the budget expenses for that month we can make sure we dont' go over the budget. Bonuses, tax-returns, etc all go into the "ours" checking account too. We catch up our budget first (we habitually go over in groceries - it's so frustrating!) and then discuss what we want to spend the rest on (vacation, a fence for our yard, new clothes for the family, etc). <br /><br />We definitely share everything overall and don't make budget decisions based on who earned the money or how much. It all goes in one big pot to support our family and we decide together how best to use it. Once in awhile we'll take a bonus and just split it and use it however we want individually - but even then it doesn't matter who earned the bonus or where it came from, we split equally. <br /><br />I hope that helps you a little! I think it is really smart to think about these things ahead and just make sure to keep talking to each other to figure out what works best for you guys! Good luck!! :)Kayceehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02469960707724284744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-79234750373638209332010-06-11T22:02:57.783-05:002010-06-11T22:02:57.783-05:00I agree 100% with Lindsey. It is a matter of trus...I agree 100% with Lindsey. It is a matter of trust. If you trust your spouse to make responsible decisions there should be no issue with keeping all of your money together. You are one team working toward a common goal and if you are going to enter into that relationship you should trust your partner not to 'sabotage' your financial plan. <br /><br />I have never once questioned my husband about money he spends and he has never questioned any of my purchases. We both know that we aren't irresponsible with money and don't buy things we can't afford. <br /><br />I think putting your money in separate accounts has the opportunity to devalue one spouse. If you decide as a family that it is best for one parent to stay home with the kids, they will have no income. Does that mean they are 'less valuable'. Should the other spouse 'pay them a salary' for providing childcare & maintaining the home? What if one spouse makes considerably more money than the other, does that mean they are 'worth more'? It also says, "This is my money and I can take it and leave at any time if this doesn't work out."<br /><br />That is just my humble opinion. I would NOT advocate pooling all assets with someone I was not married too, even if we were living together. But if you are married. Forever mine, forever thine, forever ours. <br /><br />:-) AmyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-21974680599600690592010-06-11T14:03:39.601-05:002010-06-11T14:03:39.601-05:00our home is an "us" home. If you have a ...our home is an "us" home. If you have a joint account,,,,,,,if you both put in your checks, then how can you tell who pays for dinner? who pays for daycare? Who pays more of this or that. It's so much easier. No wondering about how sidejobs, or bonuses are divided up. Give this a chance to be a real union. Based on trust and togetherness. The one rule we have at our home, that I can't stand to do without is,,,,,,if you're gonna spend over 100 bucks, discuss it even briefly with the other. Not so that you can be told yes or no, but with a joint account, and in our case, two separate debit cards attached to that one account, it helps to know. Unlike Lindsay, we DO live paycheck to paycheck LOL. We live carefully and very planned. I say, "Let it be good", Heather. Just let it be good. Then wallow in it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-80266292103268528602010-06-11T13:44:33.729-05:002010-06-11T13:44:33.729-05:00We have and have always had one account. All mone...We have and have always had one account. All money earned is "ours" both when I was working and now that I am not. I pay the bills and run the budget but that is because I want to, but I always tell Ben where we stand. We would both consult each other on big purchases but we don't really make many of those. Truthfully, money has never caused an issue between the two of us. Just as these are "our" children and "our" house and "our" possessions. The money is "ours". The whole yours, mine, ours split sounds waaaaaayyyy to complicated to me and has the potential to become a sticking point. However, given your history, I can totally see why this would freak you out and clearly there is no "right" way for everyone.KimNhttp://www.stilhoping12.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-69817338132645341432010-06-11T13:08:52.108-05:002010-06-11T13:08:52.108-05:00When Dan and I moved in together we both still had...When Dan and I moved in together we both still had our separate accounts. I had a TON of Debt and we worked together to get rid of it. We knew that we were working towards a common goal of being debt free. <br /><br />We each had our own credit card that had a lowish limit that we used too. <br /><br />When we got married we got our joint account. One account. I have always been the bill payer-- but he always knows what is there. I simply pay the bills. <br /><br />Of course things are different now that he has business accounts. <br /><br />The main thing is, don't over think it. I know that will be hard for you. But if you trust him, and he trusts you-- then weather you pay MORE then he does in a month for groceries does not matter. <br /><br />Don't put 'pre' set rules on things... go into it with an open mind... I know this will be hard for you.. but really... if you love him and trust him-- then the money part will work itself out. <br /><br />You are all working for a common cause...your family.... then you should both be responsible enough to realize this before buying something that the other MAY not approve of. <br /><br />Breath Heather....this is a different Man. You are a different Woman.Bird's Eye View Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08813489889625737678noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-27934208356451875512010-06-11T12:49:43.130-05:002010-06-11T12:49:43.130-05:00Wow, the word of the day is TRUST!!! You must sta...Wow, the word of the day is TRUST!!! You must start to learn the meaning of it. We have one bank account and have since we got married. When I was still in school basically it was Tim paying for everything but we were both okay with it. He pays all the bills out of that account. I trust him to keep it balanced. I only know the balance when I get money out of the ATM and get a receipt. We don't live anywhere close to paycheck to paycheck so I never have to worry that what I am spending is going to break the bank, unless I went and paid cash for a new SUV. I still have my own credit card (we both don't carry credit card debt) and I keep my own credit card so that I can make purchases with it if I need to that I don't want him to know about first before he gets them like his presents but the balance of the credit card is payed off each month from our joint account. He has his own credit card also. He never questions the bill whether it is 200 to 1500 per month because he trusts me that I don't blow the money and what I spent that month was on necessary things. We have an agreement that any one purchase over $100 we will discuss with eachother but there usually is really no discussion, it is always "I don't really care, if you want it" If we spend $300 total on supplies and food at wal-mart, we don't discuss that. My opinion would not be to do a yours mine and ours account because then it is still like you are giving each other "allowances" There are some guys out there that know how to save money and spend reasonably. I think he has lived this long on his own and as long as he is not in massive amounts of debt, I think he has proven that he can manage money appropriatelyLindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02004955369781241006noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3006454596735505373.post-82776856780294329472010-06-11T11:28:33.965-05:002010-06-11T11:28:33.965-05:00My husband and I have only an "ours" acc...My husband and I have only an "ours" account. He works full-time and I stay home, and work a couple of days at Potterybarn. So all in all I don't contribute a lot of money into the account, maybe $500 a month. His checks and bonuses are directly deposited into the bank and then I pay all the bills. I'm pretty sure if you asked him how much money we have in the bank, he would say he doesn't have a clue. <br />If I go out shopping, he rarely complains, and if he does he only says "I see you went shopping again." At the same time I would never spend over $300 on something without discussing it with him first. He trusts my judgement on spending just as I trust his. <br />This is how its been with us every since we moved in together, and for whatever reason it works. I wouldn't have it any other way.Breenoreply@blogger.com