Monday, October 17, 2005

Speed Bump

Okay, who the hell am I kidding. This is not a speed bump, this is more like a mountain, or a GIANT pot hole!! Who actually invented that saying anyway? "This is just a bump in the road." It makes about as much sense as "Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill." And just who decides what is or is not a mountain? Maybe it is a mountain to me but a mole hill to you? Maybe that's because you are looking at it from the outside and it looks like a little problem to you but I am looking at it from the inside and so it looks huge to me.

Anyhow, I digress, and I am noticeably stalling. The news... last Wednesday DH quit his job. I found out about it today. Are you seeing the mountain part here? Yes, that is FIVE whole days between the leaving of the job and the telling of the wife.

I was understandably upset. Okay, let me rephrase that a little. Ugly, not so happy things came spouting out of my mouth for about two hours this morning. I wanted to run home and beat him senseless. In fact, had it not been October 17th and I had a big tax deadline today I probably would have.

After the ugliness settled there was some crying and then some oh shit, what the hell are we going to do. He has assured me that he has a job doing framing all lined up for the same amount of money. The only problem is that job has no health insurance benefits. DH is on medicine that costs us $130 per month if there is not insurance. UGG!!

Now, after 5 hours of sitting with it, there is just acceptance. I don't know what else to do. I am upset that he told his dad and his grandma but not me. If I would have known that he had no job we would not have been going out to eat this weekend and spending money like we did. Now I am left strapped, once again trying to juggle bills until he gets the check from this new place.

Today, at 1:00 he also went to speak to a company about a job as a window installer. I guess they (according to him) would pay him the same amount of money but they have health insurance. I do not see DH as a window installer 10 years from now. I see this as a job, not a career and that makes me sad.

So now, 5 1/2 hours later I am settling into the last stage of this process. Depression. I'm sad for the loss of opportunity for DH and the loss of the opportunity for us. As many of you know DH and I have been trying to start a family. So, I am also sad because if we are not pregnant then we really have no business continuing trying during this transition phase. I am also sad because if we are pregnant than what the hell are we going to do?

Right now I just feel overwhelmed. I like to be in control, and I don't feel like I have had any control over this situation. DH has made a family decision with out actually consulting his family. Hopefully once he starts his new job, be it in framing or windows, I will be able to see the light at the end of this tunnel I find myself in today.