Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Tuesday Talks

He's sitting in the chair holding his baseball.

Zack what are u doing?

I'm waiting. It's not baseball time yet.

When will it be baseball time?

Ummmm..... thirty eleven.

Unless they have revamped the clock I'm thinking telling time might be a skill that still needs a bit of work.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


This is what I had for dinner last night. This and some salad consisting of tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, oil, vinegar, garlic, & basil. Unfortunately (or fortunately for me) there are no pictures of said salad because I was too busy eating it to take any pictures. It was like heaven in a bowl!!

It is entirely possible that I keep this man around simply because he can cook like this. Because really, lets face it. I once burned grilled cheese.

NOTHING this good is coming out of my kitchen without some SERIOUS assistance!!

Feel Like Dancing?

There's a good possibility that I laughed at this until I had tears streaming down my face. I'm not even sure why. I mean it's funny, I'm just not sure it's that funny.

I think I just had such a long week this week that when M pulled this out last night it was just the comic release I needed.

Just for good measure he pulled it out again this morning after I got out of the shower.

For the record... it was still funny then.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Storm Damage

This is the largest, oldest tree on my property and now, it is firewood. This makes me sad. This was Zack's tree swing tree.

On top of the mess that it will be cleaning it up, it is blocking the entrance to my house. See that little door there through the tree... that's where I go in. So, to get into my house I have to walk all the way around through the yard. The frozen tundra of a yard.

I fell twice, my body hurts, it sucked a lot.

Is it spring yet??

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Monday, January 11, 2010

Violence Unsilenced

**The site is down right now... just my luck... hopefully it will be up again soon**
**The site is back up... if you have trouble getting there, just wait about five min and try again!!**

Today my story was published on a website called Violence Unsilenced. It is to help raise awareness for domestic violence victims. You can read the story here....

For those of you who are new readers here are a couple of links to give you a little bit of background.

My husband was committed

The Post I wrote the day the divorce was final (which is basically what was on the website)

The story of my last domestic violence incident

The pictures of my last domestic violence incident

Thank you all for reading and for continuing to support me on this journey. Sharing my story is just one more step towards healing for me.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Stand Back Up

There isn't a video... it's just the picture of the CD cover. Probably because it is an old song. But I just heard it today and it reminded me so much of my motto throughout the last year. I know I didn't really do a full year in review this year.... can you blame me? It was, without a doubt, one of my best and worst years all rolled into one.

But... at the end, no matter what knocked me down, I always stood back up. Last week as J and I were having our "discussion" this is basically what I told him too. He doesn't owe Zack and I anything. If he doesn't want to be in the picture we will be ok. We always have been. We may get knocked down but together him and I will always stand back up.

Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor,
but I've been here before,
I may stumble,
yeah I might fall,
Only human aren't we all?
I might lose my way,
but hear me when i say,

I will stand back up,
Youll know just the moment when I've have enough,
Sometimes im afraid,
and i dont feel that tough,

But I'll stand back up,
I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than youd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
Theres a light that just wont let me,
It might take my pride,
and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up,

I've weathered all these stroms,
But i just turn them into wind, so i can fly,
What dont kill you makes you stronger,
When I take my last breath,
Thats when I'll just give up,

So, go ahead to take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you cant keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when ive had enough,
Sometimes im afraid and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up

Youll know just the moment when ive had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up.

--Sugarland -- Stand Back Up

Thursday, January 7, 2010

What Happens When I Leave M in Charge

I was just around the corner in the bathroom getting ready for New Year's Eve. I didn't think I was too far away. I was wrong.....

Yes... that is styrofoam....

Tiny little pieces of styrofoam....
Carefully broken into itty bitty pieces....

And stuck to every surface in my house. The kid, the walls, the refrigerator, the floor....

M's Answer? I told him to get it into the garbage can.... you know you can't be mad if you are laughing and taking pictures....

The Day Before You

I had all but given up on finding
The one that I could fall into
On the day before you
I was ready to settle for
Less than love and not much more
There was no such thing as a dream come true
Oh, but that was all the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

In your eyes I see forever
Makes me wish that my life never knew
The day before you

Oh, but Heaven knows those years without you
Were shaping my heart for the that day I found you
If you're the reason for all that I've been through
Then I'm thankful for the day before you

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
I will never have to go back to
'The day before you

Was the last day that I ever needed alone
And I'm never going back
No I'm never going back

Now you're here and everything's changing
Suddenly life means so much
I can't wait to wake up tomorrow
And find out this promise is true
No I'm never going back
I will never have to go back to
The day before you

-- Rascal Flatts - The Day Before You

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

I'm alive...

I haven't been on my bloglines in over a week... possibly two. I just looked at it and it has 974 new posts. NINE-HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FOUR.... Really? I will never get all of those read.

I don't know what has happened but my online persona has sort of just shut down. It's all just to overwhelming and I have a million other things going on in my real life that it has sort of taken a back seat.

However, I wanted to check in here just to let you know I'm alive. I'm working and trying to spend time with Zack and working some more. Things between me and J came to a head last Thursday when I told him if he wanted time with his son it was his time but he better start showing up from the beginning of the visit to the end of the visit or I was going to make sure that he got less time with him, not more.

When I talk to him on the phone he is all about wanting time with his son. Wanting more time with his son, wanting to have overnights. But when it comes to showing up and staying there he has been less than stellar. I'm tired of waiting for him to show up and I'm tired of listening to my little boy tell me he doesn't want to go there.

Some conversations have been had with DHS. Some conversations will be had with a lawyer within the next few months. It seems that I can not take visits away all together, because he is sober and he shows up (most of the time). But the divorce decree calls for more time than he is getting now and he is CLEARLY not ready for that, so it needs to be modified before DHS drops out and it is just me telling him his son doesn't want to see him.

Well, I am a week and a half late in paying my bills (not that I lack the money... just haven't made the time... I know, I know... mom don't give me that look) so I best do that with the last 20 minutes of my lunch hour.

I'll try to check in a bit more often so no one leaves me more worried comments.