Friday, May 3, 2013

The Kid


20 Things Every Parent Should Here

#2 - We all struggle. Every parent. Everywhere. We all second-guess ourselves. And we all want to quit sometimes. Hold the good times close, and when things are tough, remember “this, too, shall pass.”

Right now things in our house are tough.  This entire week has been tough.  Something is wrong with Zack and none of us know what it is and none of us know how to fix it.  And the struggle through it has been SOO hard on all of us.

Jim and I try to reconnect at the end of every day.  To go to bed in each others arms.  To not make this a struggle between the two of us but a united two person front but it is hard.

He is acting out right now in a way we have never seen.  He is lying and sneaking and vandalizing and stealing. 

None of these things are his normal behaviors. 

None of these things we have ever seen before.

All of them came on so fast and so suddenly we are all (his teacher, the principal, the guidance counselor, us) left with our heads spinning wondering what we missed.  What has gone wrong?

We have asked questions, talked to him, taken things away, offered him things.  He has been in the Principal's office multiple times.  He had to clean up the mess he made. He had to talk to the teacher, guidance counselor and principal about the things he took. He has had all his fun taken away, he has been sent to bed without dinner, he has been yelled at. 

None of it is working.

None of it has made one bit of difference.

So we are left scratching our spinning heads and clawing at the side of the cliff hoping not to fall off.

I know we will figure it out.  I know something will click and we will get through this but right now, in the thick of it all it is hard.  It makes my heart heavy.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Emerging from Hiding

Hey, how's it going?
Where have you all been?
Me?  I've been at work.  Working, and working oh yeah and working some more.  I am just now starting to emerge from my post tax season haze just in time to deal with some serious behavior issues with Zack.
So, enjoy the pictures of the adorable one while I deal with the older, more obnoxious one.  We are all fine and well and will be back to check in, hopefully sooner rather than later. 

Friday, January 11, 2013

The trouble with Yellow

Zack's school works on a color chart.  Everyone starts on green and then the kids can either move down to yellow, orange and then red or move up to blue, pink and then I think purple.

Sometime during the down time of this blog Zack started school.  And it went badly.  REALLY badly.  So much so that I spent a large portion of time during my maternity leave asking his teacher if she would just like me to come sit in the classroom to help with him.

I didn't need to, but at least I offered.

During the period in which we were trying to get Zack some assistance we were LUCKY if he came home on yellow.  Most days it was red, sometimes Orange.  At one point during the transition I remember Jim offering to take him out to dinner if he wasn't below yellow.  Green was unattainable.

Yesterday his teacher emailed me to tell me he was having a rough week.  He had been on yellow 3 out of 4 days.  At first I was upset.  He has been doing so good.  On green for all of November and December.  What was going on?

And then it hit me.  Look at how far we have come.  From Green is never attainable to green is expected.

Then I cut my kid a little slack.  In December we went to Disney.  He was gone from the 7th - 14th.  He went back to school for three days, had two snow days and two weeks off.  He basically hasn't been in school since December 6th.

We've come a long way since September and if it takes him a few days to get back to golden I'm ok with that.  If next week is still rough, we will re-assess.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Mornings at Our House

Mornings are awful.  No matter what I do I can't seem to make it out the door on time.  Yesterday it was almost 9:00 when I got to work.

It all starts out so innocently.  Ava slept like crap so when the alarm went off at 6:00 I was not exactly bounding out of bed and down the stairs.  Then of course I have to pump.  She can't latch after 10 hours nor can she eat the 11 - 13 oz I produce.

So I pump and then I have to give her a bottle.  By this point it is 6:40.  Jim is out of the shower but Zack is still no where to be seen.  I go to put the milk in the fridge, realize that I have a bit too much so I need to freeze some so it doesn't go bad. 

Could it wait until tonight?  Of course.  Will I wait?  Of course not... why not add one more thing to my morning.  Measure, label, pour... 6:50.

Jim is leaving for work, still no Zack. 

Shower time, get out, baby is fussing, still no Zack.

Take Ava upstairs, coat her in lotion and get her dressed. Yell at Zack to get out of bed and get dressed, head down stairs.  7:20.

Give him a couple of pop-tarts, get some cereal ready for Ava for daycare tell him to hurry up and eat, keep hurrying we are going to be late. 7:35.

Crap, he needs a lunch for camp.  Pack his lunch.

Pack up the pump parts and the milk bottles and get coats on and the kid in the car seat.  7:50.

Drive right past his school, turn around.  Pull in, get out of the car, walk half way to building and realize that I forgot to give him his medicine.  Put kids back in the car and go back home.  8:15.

Give him his medicine, get him back to school, drop him off, get him signed in and coat and lunch put in appropriate place, get back in car to take Ava to school, 8:30.

Drop Ava off, talk to teacher about new diet of cereal, when to give it, how thick I make it, how much I give her, etc.  Realize I totally forgot her diapers on the chair in the kitchen.  Check her bin, realize she has four and there are three in the diaper bag.  Opt out of going BACK home and just pray she doesn't go through more than 7 diapers today. 8:45

Arrive at work, cussing as I sprint to my office.  Tomorrow will be different.  Tomorrow I will be faster.  Tomorrow I will wake up Zack and make Jim take him in.  :-)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Her Favorite Person

There is one person who can make her smile like this every time.
One person whom Ava thinks hung the moon and stars in the sky.

And it is not me....

And it is not Jim...

It is her big Brother.  Every moment of every day, he rocks her world.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Finding my Voice

Hello out there to anyone who is still reading.  I'm guessing 4 maybe 5 of you.  This place has sort of sat empty for far too long and I miss it.  I miss writing down what the kids did or are going to do.  I miss writing down the details I don't want to forget and I miss the interaction.

At the peak of this blog I had 50 people reading per day.  Now, 50 isn't a lot when you consider Dooce has what 50,000?  But to me, they were my 50 people.  People who loved me and wanted to share in my life.

So, for 2013, my goal is to try to find my voice here again.  To get back to writing and sharing and the whole blogging community.

I don't know how well I will do at it, but I'm going to try.  Will you join me on my journey?

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Mornings with Ava

Every morning, sometime between 1:00 am and 4:00 am Ava wakes up.  She is hungry and that is the point at which, even if just for an hour, hunger wins over sleep.

This morning it was 1:37... but momma was tired... oh so tired.  So, I pulled her out of her co-sleeper and into bed with me.  She snuggled right in and the next thing I knew it was 3:50.

I looked down, realized that she seemed to be pretty well passed out and so I slid her over to her co-sleeper and debated on whether I could go another 2 hours before I pumped.  At 4:05 she answered that question for me so downstairs we went.

Every early morning is the same.  I lay her in the boppy with her binkie in her mouth and I pump.  If it has been anywhere longer than 3-4 hours she just chokes and spits so I just resign myself to pumping to save us both the trouble.

As I pump she patiently waits.  She will smile at me and sometimes coo or suck on her binkie and drift in and out of sleep.  As tired as I am, I love this time, just me an her.  Over the last almost four months her patience has astounded me.  Last night it had been somewhere around 9 hours since she had eaten yet never did she freak out.  Just watched me pump knowing that I would take care of her.  Knowing that, no matter what, mom would make it better.

At 4:45 I fell back into bed, too exhausted to be awake one minute longer and at 6:00 when the alarm went off I wanted nothing more than just to continue sleeping, so I did.  Finally at a little before 7:00 she was awake.  No crying, just a little bit of squawking to let me know it was time.

As I changed her to get her ready for daycare she smiled at me and cooed and I still, almost four months later, was amazed that they let me bring her home.  That this amazingly awesome child is mine and that I get to keep her.

Sometimes life is crazy and we spend all day running around but at night, it is quiet and calm.  Just me and her enjoying these little moments that will be gone all too soon.