Thursday, May 31, 2012

Are you sure you are done?

Today I am 26w4d.  In standard pregnancy terms this means that if I were to deliver on my due date I would have 13w2d left of this pregnancy.

Last weekend I had a garage sale in which I sold all of my boy clothes because this baby is a girl and after this baby, we are done.

I haven't written a whole lot about this pregnancy here, there have been a few other things going on in our lives, and I haven't really discussed it a lot in my personal life either but this decision to be done is one we are continually asked about.

More importantly the dreaded: Are you sure? question.

So, let me give you a little bit of background. 

About a year after we started dating Jim and I were discussing adding to our family.  We already knew we were getting engaged and eventually married and so we figured this was the next logical step.  When we were talking about it Jim stated, very clearly, that he only wanted one more child.  (In fact, I think there was something about going out to the garage and fixing himself before he would have more than one more.)  At the time, I cried.  A LOT.

My answer to him was that I wasn't SURE I wanted more than one more, I just wasn't ready to shut the door quite yet.  I remembered times I loved being pregnant with Zack and times I disliked it.  All I knew at that point was that I wanted to have another pregnancy.  A "normal" home life pregnancy if you will and then go from there.

So we tabled the discussion.

Then last year, after we were married, we started seriously deciding how many more children we wanted and how many more we felt were right for our family situation, money, travel plans, extra curricular activities we wanted them to be able to participate in, etc.

In the end, it was decided that one more child made the most sense for our family.  At that point I would say I was about 90% comfortable with that.  We weren't pregnant yet and I wasn't 100% sure how I would feel once we were, but one more seemed to make the most sense.

Then on Christmas Eve morning I peed on a stick and that magic little word popped up: Pregnant.

From that point forward, it all changed.  Let me tell you now how certain I am that this will be our last child.  250%.  Let me give you one little word to describe this pregnancy and explain to you why I am now 250% certain:

Miserable.  (Pretty much 100% of the time)

Shall we start from the beginning?

At 5 weeks pregnant I was already starting to get nauseous.  The doctor put me on 25 mg of B6 and a Unisom.  (No idea why this works, but it seems to)  That curbed the nausea enough that I could eat some foods.

At 6 weeks I was tired, like 8:00 pm if I wasn't in bed I was a walking zombie tired.  So the few hours I was awake I was mildly nauseous and then I had to sleep at least 10 hours a night to function for those few hours I was awake.

I also started to show by 6 weeks, so none of my pants fit me.  I was in maternity pants by 6 weeks and maternity tops by probably 10 weeks.

At 8 weeks the "home remedy", so to speak, stopped working and I was put on Zofran.  I took one Zofran every single day, the moment I woke up, and I was functional.  All be it, barely.  There were days were I was lucky to eat a couple pieces of fruit.  I wasn't throwing up, but I may have wished to just crawl into bed and not come out on more than one occasion.

I also developed chronic constipation from the Zofran.  A fun little side effect they forget to mention to you.  So on top of the prenatal, the B6, the unisom & the Zofran I also got to start taking colace and fiber.  Lots of fiber.  Only it didn't really work.  So once a week I got to drink Milk of Magnesia.

Why yes, yes it does taste as awful as it sounds.  I basically had to count the number of days in between and when I got to three or four I had to pull that stuff out and drink away.  It works, but it sucks... a lot.

I also developed a food aversion to meat.  (which I had with Zack as well).  This was more mild than with him so I did not have to become full on vegetarian for 20 weeks but I could only eat it in small bites.  I could be mid chicken sandwich and one bite would just go badly and that was it.  Done, no more or it was all coming up.  (This is still mildly persistent right now)

Sometime around 12 weeks along she found my syatic nerve and promptly proceeded to take up residence right on top of it.  So, to go along with the continual nausea and constipation I also got to limp.  Sometimes when I would stand up it would hurt so bad I would wince and flail my arms a bit. 

The only good part of this was that it seemed to provide endless entertainment to my husband and son.

Finally at about 13 weeks I was able to stop taking the Zofran.  I was still mildly nauseous but that went away about 14 - 15 weeks and I finally thought yay!!  I am entering the great part of my pregnancy.

Then she shifted forward.  About 18 weeks I started noticing some pain in my lady business.  It started out mild, over the following weeks it got stronger.  The doctor tells me there is no cure except delivering the baby, which I obviously can't do yet.  At 26 weeks, there are moments when I can not walk from my office to my car without almost crying.  It is both ligaments that run down the side of my stomach, on both sides of my lady parts and down the insides of my legs.

Again, the only upside is this seems to provide endless entertainment for my husband and son as they watch me flap when I get up if it hurts or "waddle" into places.  My son says I walk like a duck.  I'm pretty sure he learned that from my husband.  I will sell them both to you cheap if you are interested.  :-)

At 23 weeks I started noticing I was getting light headed after eating and sometimes before.  So much so that I sort of felt like I was crawling out of my skin.  I was pretty convinced I was diabetic and that this was  a reaction to sugar but nothing I ate seemed to make a difference.  Just meat, just water, it all had the same effect.  I was miserable for at least 2 - 4 hours out of each day.

Oh, and still tired, still very, very tired.

At 24 weeks they checked my blood levels and as it turns out, I was anemic.  So, I get to add iron to my list of daily pills.  However, my body is very picky about this iron and I have to take it alone, and still take my other multi vitamins or the dizziness comes back with a vengence.

I also failed my glucose test so I had to take the three hour version.  Turns out the lack of Iron and the fact that I ate an hour before my test effected that because the only thing I got out of the three hour one was a waisted morning and three holes in my arm.  I passed that one no problem.

Finally, we have the contractions.  Oh yes, contractions.  They started at 24 weeks, 4 days.  That set lasted about 2 hours.  Then on Tuesday night I got another set for another two hours.  I am trying to work through them with rest and lots of water.  I would, if at all possible like to avoid the Terbuteline that I had to take with Zack.  That stuff makes you feel AWFUL and I have enough of that feeling already without it.

So, to give you a grand summary, at 26 weeks 4 days, I waddle when I walk, I am in continual pain, I get very dizzy and light headed if I do not stick to a strict regimen of Iron and multivitimans and I'm not getting any smaller, which means the waddling will not get any better.

So to answer your question, am I sure?  At this point, I may resort to fixing him in the garage....

Yes, absolutely, positively sure.

And now, a picture... since you endured my whinning.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Bullet Points

I have lots going on right now and somehow posting seems to fall to the bottom of the list.  So, I shall update you in bullet points.  Hopefully, for now, you will forgive me.  Someday when things slow down perhaps I will have more than bullet points.

  • The garage sale is over, it went very well.  Most of the big stuff was sold and we made enough to buy the car seat & stroller as well as the rest of the little things we need to get for her.
  • I had an amazing friend offer to give me a pump, so that part I no longer have to worry about.  It is a huge weight lifted off my shoulders as pumps are very expensive.
  • After the garage sale I donated all the leftover clothes to friends.  I was going to take them to the donation center but after thinking about it decided I would rather have people I know using them.  Four little boys will be getting new wardrobes.  I think that is the best use I can think of for those old clothes.
  • I also saved three toys for a little boy at our church.  When we were packing up to take the leftover toys to the donation center (not very many by the way... people LOVE to buy toys apparently) there were three I just couldn't bare to donate.  I hope he enjoys them as much as Zack did.
  • I bought my first outfit for the little one this weekend.  Jim bought me two on my birthday and I bought her one yesterday.  We have lots of 2nd hand clothes she will be wearing but I wanted a couple of new things.  The more we buy and I wash the more real this seems.
  • I only have 14 weeks left until this little girl comes.  That doesn't seem like very long.  I am panicking a bit because I have TONS of stuff in my office left to sort through and get rid of or scan in so we can move my desk and file cabinet.  I know it will all get done, I just need to take it a little at a time.
  • We got Zack's new birth certificate in the mail this weekend.  It is exciting to see it.  There is no mention of FoTB on there anywhere.  I find it strange that they don't list biological father and adoptive father but I guess that is how it works.  Jim is now his dad and FoTB is now erased in the eyes of the law.
  • We also paid off the lawyers last week.  Those were painful checks.  We had to take out a loan.  That part sucks.  Jim told Zack that he may not understand it now but when he gets older, he better put us in a really nice nursing home.
  • As much as it sucked to write the checks, it is 100% worth it.  Zack is a whole different kid than he was at this time last year.  It breaks my heart to imagine what he had to go through but I'm so glad that it is all over now.
Well, that is all I have for now.  Hopefully I will be back to check in again soon.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Garage Sailing

I have spent the last week digging through old totes of Zack's clothes getting ready for an epic garage sale.  After much thought and contemplation we have decided after this baby, we are done.  I have made my peace with it, I'm 100% ok with the two children thing but the garage sale and I, we are going rounds.

My fear is that she will come out a boy, and I will cry.  A LOT!!  The ultrasound tech said she got an excellent picture, that if it were her child she would 100% assume girl so I feel fairly confident but there is still that little nagging voice.

Don't jump too quickly.  What if something goes wrong?  What if the ultrasound lady was wrong?

Never the less, I am trying my best to ignore said voice and prepare myself.  I don't want to wait until after she is born to do this, it will be September / October and I will probably just have to wait until next year.  I want to purge my attic and more importantly, I want to make a little cash to buy the few, seriously expensive, items we do not have.

Stroller & car seat
Breast Pump (our insurance doesn't cover... boo to them)

That is $550 - $650 right there.... OUCH!!

So, onward and upward we go.  Sorting and pricing and sorting and pricing.

Anyone want to come help me price clothes and toys?  No?  Oh come on... it will be fun...  :-)

Friday, May 11, 2012

How long do you follow?

I read 99% of my blogs through a feed.  I used to use bloglines before it got defunct and they shut it down.  Then I moved everything over to Google Reader.  Google is taking over everything apparently so I might as well just join the crowd.

Anyhow, in my Google Reader I have about 150 - 200 feeds.  (It doesn't give me a count and I am FAR too lazy today to count them myself)  Some of those feeds are updated daily, some of them haven't been updated for months, some for a year, some for two years.

So, on this fine Friday I will pose this question to those of you still hanging around:

How long do you hold out hope?  How long do you leave a blog in your reader or keep checking a blog for updates before you consider it officially gone by the wayside and remove it.  Does it depend on how close you were to the author?  If it was a friend or someone you commented back an forth with regularly will you hang on longer?

Just curious.  I'm thinking I should probably clean up my reader, although with all the blogs in a reader it makes it easier to be lazy because they just hang out there I am not going to each website to check so I figure what is the harm in leaving them there.... JUST.... in case....

Thursday, May 10, 2012


Yesterday at a little before 9:00 AM we sat in the Court room watching a judge bang his gavel down and finally end this year long (ok 5 year long) drama that we have been living.

It is done.

It is over.

As of that point yesterday Zack is not officially considered Jim's son.  His new birth certificate with Jim's name on it will arrive in the mail shortly.

Last night we just stared at each other and said it is over.  I can't believe it is finally done.

There really are no words, just overwhelming joy.

Monday, May 7, 2012

To My Son


These past few weeks have had me thinking about you, almost non-stop.  On Saturday, you will be five years and four months old.  Which is closer to 5 1/2 than it is to five, as you are fond of reminding me.

Every single day you continue to grow and change and as much as I want you to slow down so that I can keep up, I also spend equal amounts of time marveling at how amazing you are becoming.

In two short days, your dad will be able to adopt you and he will be come your " real" dad.  Not that he has been anything else for the last year and a half as far as you are concerned.  I know that there are days that all of this doesn't make a whole lot of sense to you but I hope, some day, when you are older you will be able to understand why we did this.  Why we poured out our time and our energy and our money into this endeavor and that, no matter how mad we make you, you will always know that we did so because we wanted to keep you safe.  We wanted you to always know you were safe and wanted and loved and that FoTB could ever make you feel scared like that again.

For now, just know that every day, you amaze me.  And on the days I am short with you, the days where there are not enough hours to get everything done or not enough sleep to make me a very pleasant person I still think you are the most wonderful little boy I have ever met.

I can't promise to do everything perfectly.  But I can promise that I will show up every single day and give it all that I have.  Just be patient with me as I try to be patient with you.  You and I, we are learning this mother / son thing together, but I wouldn't trade one day of it for anything.


Friday, May 4, 2012

Thoughts on 32...

A couple days ago, I turned 32.  I remember back when I turned 22 thinking how old and wise I would be when I got to 32 and how I would CLEARLY have everything figured out and have the house with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids, etc, etc.

Well, there is a fence, but it is a pasture fence and the all figured out thing... well, we are working on that.

However, I have to say that over all, I think 32 may be one of my best ages.  On Wednesday, Jim will officially adopt Zack.  Bringing this year long (oh who are we kidding... five year long) nightmare to an end... finally...

Then in four short months (eeekkk...where has the time gone, so much to do.  So much to do) we will welcome our baby girl into the world.  On Wednesday I finally got to feel her kick (on the outside) and last night Jim got to feel it as well.  The look on his face said it all, this is truly a magical event and I am SOOOO happy to get to do this again with someone who is just as excited about this pregnancy as I am.

Finally, if all the pieces fall into place, in December we will be boarding a plane for sunny Orlando to take Zack to Disney for the first (hopefully just the first of many) time.  Jim gets some extra bonuses at work so we are saving them right now in the hopes that we can use them to pay for a large portion of this trip and make it feasible.  If all the cards fall into place it will happen this year, if not, maybe next year.

Either way, I think 32 is going to be a pretty good year.  Maybe at 33 I can work on that figuring everything out concept.