Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Where do I start?

I have been away from this place for far too long and as with most things, the longer you stay away, the harder it becomes to come back.

So much has happened in the last three weeks that I may have to bullet point it all just to keep it in some semblance of an order.

On January 6th FoTB was arrested. Or rather he turned himself in. On the 17th of November he beat up a girl he was staying with. Pushed her around in the kitchen, held her down while he screamed at her, threatened to "show her what crazy was", threatened to punch her, etc.

Unfortunately, this girl has a sorted past and that may work against her in court. I know she is not lying. Every single thing in that police report was things he did to me. Every one. I have heard every phrase, seen every action, I KNOW with every fiber of my being she is telling the truth, but it won't matter. My testimony can't be used to prove he did it. Just because he did it before, the courts say, is not proof he did it again. The courts are wrong. It absolutely is....

That next day, he was fired from his job.

He was also charges with theft. He told his dad it was for a drive off of gas. I tried to get the police report for that but they said that in that city (I have been to four different places getting police reports over the last month) the don't give out police reports for open cases.

On December 7th, he was out again. Apparently before he went in he left some money with a friend or with a bail bondsman and so that person came and got him. Less than 24 hours in jail and he was out again...

However, his freedom was short lived. On December 15th he was arrested again. This time charged with five felonies and a misdemeanor. The 2nd misdemeanor was filed on the 22nd. He stayed in jail this time on a cash only bond for 13 days. Then one of his "friends" paid a cash only bondsman somewhere between 20 - 40% of the cash amount to get him out.

He is in way over his head. I don't have friends that would pay that kind of cash to get me out. He owes some people big time and I just don't see it ending well. My guess is he becomes their drug runner and is back in jail for more serious charges within the month.
Today the papers were finalized and sent to the court for termination. I am done. This is completely unfair to Zack to continue to let this drag out. He has been through enough.

I don't know if his mom will hire him a lawyer to fight me on the termination. She knows it is coming, she understands why I am doing it, she just isn't 100% comfortable with the end result. I hope she doesn't but at the end of the day, I can't control that part. If she does, we will just deal with it.

Either way, she can't change the facts:

15 weeks since he has seen his son

14 weeks since we suspended visits

8 weeks since he has contacted us

5 weeks since I have received any child support

He has basically abandoned Zack now, I don't know what difference it will make to him if we make it official. Yet somehow, I think we will end up in court over this. Nothing can ever be easy or in Zack's best interest with him.

Oh, and to add to the madness and chaos in our house, there is also this:

4w3d - Due September 2nd

Scared out of my mind. Every twinge, every pain. Every time I pee I look at the toilet paper.

I have known far too many people who have miscarried, delivered too early, had babies that were born still. I know all too well that a positive test does not always end in a take home baby and I REALLY, REALLY want a take home baby.

So I pray, a lot. And I try to remember that I don't get to control this. I get to be along for the ride. The termination, the pregnancy, the rest of this craziness, all I can do is sit back and pray that it all goes well.

So, how are things with all of you?

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Tuesday Talks

(Zack singing in the back seat) Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul....

(Insert the rest of the lyrics to this song that I don't really want to type out, sung mostly correctly and mostly in order....)

[...] I'll be back again some day!!

Wow buddy. That was a good job!! You remembered all of the words.

Yeah, that's cuz I have a rememberer in my brain and it helps me remember that stuff. But sometimes it remembers stuff I don't want it to and then they get stuck in my head. Like Who Let the Dogs Out. C was dancing to that yesterday at D's party and it got stuck in my head.

Later that night I make the mistake of telling Jim this story. I couldn't help it. A rememberer? (yes, there is an extra er....) it was too cute not to share.

Jim: Hey Zack... Who let the dogs out?

Uggg!! DAD!!! Now that is going to be stuck in my head!!

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Santa Express

On Saturday we took Zack to ride the Santa Express in Boone, Iowa.

We didn't tell him where we were going, just told him we had a surprise. He was excited, even though he had no idea where we were going.

Once we pulled into the station he about lept out of his seat when he realized we were going to ride a train.

It was raining outside all day, it turned to sleet on our way home but luckily the train cars were all enclosed and it was nice and toasty inside.

There was, of course, lots of excitement and some goofing around while we were waiting for the train to get going and when we were stopped at the "North Pole."

That's right... this train went all the way to the "North Pole." On the way they served us homeade cookies.

And hot chocolate...

And then when we got there, we got a special vistor!

Santa got on the train at the "North Pole" and handed out bells to every child. (It used to be called the Polar Express and they handed out the sleigh bells like he gets in the movie but because of copywright issues they can no longer call it the Polar Express but they still hand out the bells.

Then we all sang Christmas Carols. Jingle Bells, of course, along with several other favorites.

Overall, I think it was a very fun trip. It would have been a little better if we had gone during the day so that he could have seen out of the windows but otherwise, it was pretty good. More importantly, Zack loved it.