Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Where do I start?

I have been away from this place for far too long and as with most things, the longer you stay away, the harder it becomes to come back.

So much has happened in the last three weeks that I may have to bullet point it all just to keep it in some semblance of an order.

On January 6th FoTB was arrested. Or rather he turned himself in. On the 17th of November he beat up a girl he was staying with. Pushed her around in the kitchen, held her down while he screamed at her, threatened to "show her what crazy was", threatened to punch her, etc.

Unfortunately, this girl has a sorted past and that may work against her in court. I know she is not lying. Every single thing in that police report was things he did to me. Every one. I have heard every phrase, seen every action, I KNOW with every fiber of my being she is telling the truth, but it won't matter. My testimony can't be used to prove he did it. Just because he did it before, the courts say, is not proof he did it again. The courts are wrong. It absolutely is....

That next day, he was fired from his job.

He was also charges with theft. He told his dad it was for a drive off of gas. I tried to get the police report for that but they said that in that city (I have been to four different places getting police reports over the last month) the don't give out police reports for open cases.

On December 7th, he was out again. Apparently before he went in he left some money with a friend or with a bail bondsman and so that person came and got him. Less than 24 hours in jail and he was out again...

However, his freedom was short lived. On December 15th he was arrested again. This time charged with five felonies and a misdemeanor. The 2nd misdemeanor was filed on the 22nd. He stayed in jail this time on a cash only bond for 13 days. Then one of his "friends" paid a cash only bondsman somewhere between 20 - 40% of the cash amount to get him out.

He is in way over his head. I don't have friends that would pay that kind of cash to get me out. He owes some people big time and I just don't see it ending well. My guess is he becomes their drug runner and is back in jail for more serious charges within the month.
Today the papers were finalized and sent to the court for termination. I am done. This is completely unfair to Zack to continue to let this drag out. He has been through enough.

I don't know if his mom will hire him a lawyer to fight me on the termination. She knows it is coming, she understands why I am doing it, she just isn't 100% comfortable with the end result. I hope she doesn't but at the end of the day, I can't control that part. If she does, we will just deal with it.

Either way, she can't change the facts:

15 weeks since he has seen his son

14 weeks since we suspended visits

8 weeks since he has contacted us

5 weeks since I have received any child support

He has basically abandoned Zack now, I don't know what difference it will make to him if we make it official. Yet somehow, I think we will end up in court over this. Nothing can ever be easy or in Zack's best interest with him.

Oh, and to add to the madness and chaos in our house, there is also this:

4w3d - Due September 2nd

Scared out of my mind. Every twinge, every pain. Every time I pee I look at the toilet paper.

I have known far too many people who have miscarried, delivered too early, had babies that were born still. I know all too well that a positive test does not always end in a take home baby and I REALLY, REALLY want a take home baby.

So I pray, a lot. And I try to remember that I don't get to control this. I get to be along for the ride. The termination, the pregnancy, the rest of this craziness, all I can do is sit back and pray that it all goes well.

So, how are things with all of you?


electriclady said...

Oh HEATHER!!!! What a rollercoaster! First, congratulations on the pregnancy! This is total assvice but all I can say is that I've personally decided to try to let go of the worry and just enjoy being pregnant this time around. We don't get to do it that many times and who knows if/when it will ever come again.

As for FotB...shaking my head. You are doing what's best for Z, there's no doubt. I hope it all goes down with a minimum of drama.

Laura said...

Wow Heather - I'm sure this is crazy stressful for you, but I think it sounds like things are actually going to end up better in the end. And scared as you may be, a new pregnancy is so exciting!! Congratulations! I wish you all the best for a safe and healthy pregnancy and a new little baby :)

kbreints said...

What a post to start with! I am over the moon excited for you and will keep you and everything going on in your life in my prayers.

KimN said...

Sorry about the craziness but had to say congratulations!!!

Anonymous said...

Congrats to you guys! So exciting!

I know this business with FotB is so hard and difficult for all of you. I hope that the TPR goes smoothly, without any complications. Zack deserves better. He deserves a Dad who loves him and who will be ac actual father to him.

I will be praying for you, and thinking of you often.

OHN said...

Holy crap! CONGRATS! I have a feeling that 2012 is going to be an outstanding year for you. FoTB will most likely be out of the picture one way or another. I hate to say it but it sounds like he is on a rather rapid spiral downhill. Zach will continue to thrive and will become a loving wonderful big brother.

Yep, 2012 is your year :-)

Yo-yo Mama said...

I don't even know what to say about fotb that you haven't already said. He's truly like an unstoppable trainwreck.

I hope you can find distraction and new joy in your pregnancy and potential it brings to you, your husband AND Z.

Ban-Anna's Amazing Race Adventure said...

Congrats on the pregnancy. I know you two have been trying for awhile, and this is very exciting for you. I hear and understand your concerns with it all also. I will be praying for you. As far as the other stress and constant worries you face, I definitely don't envy you!! Working in the teaching profession, your blog always brings insight into my student's behaviors and parents thoughts. It shows some of the extreme cases and situations they deal with at home from a very young age. It also helps make me more understanding of things they do at school and why. (meaning mostly the things FOTB has done and being in and out of his life all the time). Good for you sticking up for Zack and what's best for him all the time.

anymommy said...

That is about as crazy as it gets. Hopefully, you can find your center and some peace in the joy of this new baby and take the stressful termination process day by day. Congratulations!

Jennifer B. said...

Well how about that! Deep breaths. Everything will be okay.

Amy said...

Wow! I know it is early but congrats. I know how much you have longed for a second child.....keep in mind I am getting rid of my maternity wardrobe & have TONS of work appropriate stuff. Let me know if you are interested! ;-)