I'm alive...

I haven't been on my bloglines in over a week... possibly two. I just looked at it and it has 974 new posts. NINE-HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FOUR.... Really? I will never get all of those read.

I don't know what has happened but my online persona has sort of just shut down. It's all just to overwhelming and I have a million other things going on in my real life that it has sort of taken a back seat.

However, I wanted to check in here just to let you know I'm alive. I'm working and trying to spend time with Zack and working some more. Things between me and J came to a head last Thursday when I told him if he wanted time with his son it was his time but he better start showing up from the beginning of the visit to the end of the visit or I was going to make sure that he got less time with him, not more.

When I talk to him on the phone he is all about wanting time with his son. Wanting more time with his son, wanting to have overnights. But when it comes to showing up and staying there he has been less than stellar. I'm tired of waiting for him to show up and I'm tired of listening to my little boy tell me he doesn't want to go there.

Some conversations have been had with DHS. Some conversations will be had with a lawyer within the next few months. It seems that I can not take visits away all together, because he is sober and he shows up (most of the time). But the divorce decree calls for more time than he is getting now and he is CLEARLY not ready for that, so it needs to be modified before DHS drops out and it is just me telling him his son doesn't want to see him.

Well, I am a week and a half late in paying my bills (not that I lack the money... just haven't made the time... I know, I know... mom don't give me that look) so I best do that with the last 20 minutes of my lunch hour.

I'll try to check in a bit more often so no one leaves me more worried comments.