Friday Confessionals

I still, over two years after the worst of it, 4 months after the last of it, have flashbacks. Two years ago it was every single day, multiple times per day. 4 months ago it was at least once a day.

Now, sometimes I can go a full day, maybe two without thinking about any of it. Then for no apparent reason I will be driving along in the car and I will get "lost" in one. They hit me suddenly, sometimes without provocation and I'll be right back there in it. The panic attack usually follows.

People often think that when the situation is over it will go away. Like because he is gone I should be better. In fact several of them have asked why I continue to go to Al-anon. When I can go a week, a month without a flashback I will consider myself marginally better and possibly able to miss one of my meetings if I have something else to do.

When I can go a year.... I might consider myself better. It took me over 10 years to get here, I have a feeling it might take me just as long to get back.