Unfinished Business

Things are still pretty much up in the air with everything right now.

Zack has to go to FoTB's house this weekend and quite frankly it makes me want to throw up. BUT... lacking any new evidence and the fact that the police did not see grounds to file any charges we are sort of stuck in limbo.

He and his girlfriend called us on Friday night, we talked for about an hour. 15 minutes of it with her because he stormed out of the house to throw a fit and take off on a motorcycle ride. Her I can deal with... him... not so much. At one point he told us that he had to have his mom come over when we did pickup before because he was so angry that we had talked to the police and DHS and he couldn't control nor be responsible for what he did when he was angry.

Why yes, yes this is the sort of person I want around my child.... (please read the sarcasm in that statement)

As for Zack, he started meeting with a counselor last Wednesday. He comes highly recommended and if he finds that Zack is continuing to have anxiety regarding visits and that he thinks they should be shortened or lessened then we will try to get that done. At a bare minimum we would at least like to make them easier for Zack and from what we've been told this is the place to start.

Unfortunately, when you start any journey it just takes time. We only meet with him once a week and it could take him several weeks before he starts to get anything useful out of the sessions. So for now... we wait....

On another front, we got the entire wedding ceremony written out yesterday (Probably 10 - 15 minutes) and in about an hour we will be going to get our marriage license so things are definitely moving forward on that front. Only 16 more days....

Feeling Defeated

Once again I have done everything that I know of to keep my son safe and once again he has fallen through the cracks.

FoTB lied to the police, I'm assuming he lied to DHS as well. The word from the police is that he stayed out there until the boys went to sleep (he did not, Zack said they were alone in the tent and it was dark and scary) and then he got up twice to check on them in the night. I'm SURE he did not... I would bet large sums of money on it in fact....

BUT... because it now becomes his word against ours, there is nothing they can do. I'm assuming that the findings by DHS will be much of the same and we are back to square one. Nothing was fixed and now things are worse between me and FoTB than they were before. Last night he made his mom come with him to pick up Zack at 5:00 and when we got there to pick up Zack at 7:00 he opened the door, shoved him out and closed it. How in the world are we supposed to discuss ANYTHING that may come up regarding Zack when he acts like a little kid?

So right now I just feel defeated.... again....

We have hired a counselor for Zack. Someone to try to make this all easier for him because no one will listen to us. No one will listen to the fact that Zack still hates going there, still cries when he has to talk to FoTB on the phone still doesn't want to be over there for more than a couple of hours. I just hope maybe someone will listen to this guy....

I'm considering a gallon of ice cream and a LONG nap... think it will help??

Red Tape

On Saturday FoTB left Zack and an 8 year old boy in a tent in their back yard alone, all night, unsupervised.

I don't even know where else to go with that. Into what would have happened if he would have left the tent and walked into one of the three really major roads all within 2 - 10 blocks of him? Or fallen into the pond 10 blocks away? Or fallen into a neighbors pool? Or been taken by someone? Or any other number of things that could have happened to my four year old overnight with no adult supervision.....

I am sick to my stomach. I have been sick to my stomach for two days. I am pulling out every stop I know. DHS, Police Department, Lawyer, Counselor, I keep running into red tape at every turn. What he did was bad, very, very bad parenting in fact but is it illegal... well... we are not sure. It may not be bad enough...

I do not want to wait for what he does with my son to be bad enough.... I do not want my son to have to be the example... the one that got really hurt before they would do anything.

One Month

One month from today I will be getting ready for my wedding....

One month from today I will be walking down a makeshift isle towards a man who loves me and my son despite any feelings of "brokenness" I have sometimes felt.

One month from today we will be celebrating our new life together with our family and friends.

One month from today I will once again be someones wife.

One month can't come soon enough....