Monday, October 17, 2011

Still Waiting....

Over two weeks have passed since I have been here and yet I still find myself drawing a blank.

Today I went to get popcorn and found myself in a "discussion" with the popcorn lady. Let's call it what it is really, a lecture by her on why I should have had another child several years ago. About how 2 years is the appropriate age gap and that if I am going to be having another I have already waited too long but I better not wait any longer.

I find this discussion confusing at best. How do I easily explain to someone that there is a VERY good reason that my children (if I am blessed with another one) will not be two years apart? That I can only IMAGINE the disaster that would have befallen me if I had decided to bring ANOTHER child into that awful relationship.

Sorry, I know two may have been ideal for you but I married the wrong man so my son will have worse things to discuss in therapy about how I screwed up his life than the fact that I didn't give him a sibling within the appropriate amount of time.

And more over... there comes in to play the fact that we are still not 100% sure I CAN get pregnant. The test I took last month indicates that I ovulated on my own but that is still no guarantee. What if I am infertile? What if my husband is? Why is it that people feel it is acceptable to comment on this part of a person's life without knowing even 1/1,000th of their history?

Anyhow, as I walked away a million things ran through my head. She is a very nice lady and I know she didn't mean to say anything to upset me but it got me thinking just the same. It made me ever more conscious of what I ask people when it comes to these things.... you just never know....


As for the rest of the disaster that is my ex-husband. Who knows. He may still be charged with credit card fraud... he may once again slip through the cracks of the legal system. He may be charged with child abuse (either by the police or by DHS) or he may once again slip through the cracks of the legal system. (The abuse that we once thought was just extra spankings was so much more than that. Punches to the chest and arms, kicks to the legs, fists in his face threatening him if he told...)

His ex-girlfriend and her son have done all they can. They have asked the questions, told the authorities what they needed to and all they can do at this point is wait. It is 100% out of our hands and that part to me is REALLY hard.

We saw them again on Saturday. Took her son out to lunch with us and out to run a few errands. I am struck with a heavy heart every time we see him. He is so well behaved that I have NO idea how anyone could strike him in anger. He didn't deserve that and at the end of the day, despite telling the police and his mom and DHS there still may be nothing that can be done and that is heartbreaking.

As for Zack, visits have been suspended for four weeks tomorrow with no sign of them being resumed. FoTB had made no attempt to attend meetings, quit drinking or try in any capacity to be back in his life. Zack has done a complete 180 in the last four weeks, for the better and so we can only hope and pray that all of this continues in the same direction. The longer he stays away, the better off Zack is....

So right now... we just wait. Wait for the police to make up their mind. Wait for DHS to make up their mind. Wait for FoTB to make his next move.

Have I mentioned lately I hate waiting??


Kelly said...

I was starting to get worried since we hadn't heard anything from you.

If two years is the "proper" age difference my fourteen year age difference between my girls totally trumps where you are right now. People are dumb, they need to keep their opinions to themselves. :)

Glad that FotB is still MIA. It's a good place for him. Sounds like it's all favorable in the Zack department. Good to know that Zack is back to being Zack.

Jennifer B. said...

Situations like the popcorn lady are always perfect for the, "Wow! I'm really surprised you would ask (or say) that." said with a smile and followed by absolute silence on your part. If they persist in asking the same personal question again I respond in exactly the same way - it nips it in the every time and they realize how out of line they were without you having to say a thing.

Yes, probably for the best that FOTB is off doing his thing and following down the known path because, in the end, it will allow you to do the things you need to do to protect Zack because he won't be able to fool the courts forever.

Anonymous said...

Gee - sounds like you may have a small tiny weeny inkling of what I have meant all this time when people ask me even the beginning question of...."so when are you having kids"?

Gee....Where do I start AND how much time you have?...Ended with a...."Sorry you asked?:)


kbreints said...

It never ceases to amaze me the things complete strangers will say... My siblings and I are 5 & 6 years apart. Every family is different. There is NO 'right age'--

Amanda said...

Wait, what? Two years is the only acceptable age difference? Which of my kids do I have to give back?

Whatever. It never fails to shock me the stupid things that people say. The older three boys in our house are all 4.5 years (or more) apart. The youngest two are just over 2 years apart. There have been positives and negatives for both age difference groups.

I've read the last few posts about FotB and...I really don't have anything to say. It's one of those circumstances where if I were talking to you in real life I would just hug you. I'm thinking about you guys and hoping for the best.

Lavender Luz said...

Ugh on the popcorn lady. A good reminder not to judge others because you can never know the whole story, the back story.

I hope the waiting gets resolved soon in a way that is best for Zack and for you.

Hugs, Heather.

Shannon said...

Oh, I do want to reach out and hug you, your lovely son, make you dinner and let you talk and talk and talk...

Anonymous said...

Screw that 2 year age difference. My oldest and middle sons are 7 years apart, my middle and youngest sons are 3 years apart.... 7 years was SO much easier!