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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Irrational Rationalization

A week ago FoTB was served with papers. He was supposed to have a court date but it was canceled. Luckily, the process server we hired was persistent and she tracked him down and served him that night.

The next day was Zack's 5th birthday. 5... OMG... how is he FIVE already?? Anyhow, AMAZINGLY enough, he called that day. No phone call for three months before but he calls then. Gee, couldn't have ANYTHING to do with being served the night before could it?

Either way, the message he left was so surreal I had to listen to it twice to make sure I wasn't missing something. "Hey, just have a birthday present for Zack and was wondering if I could drop it off at daycare or by the house sometime."

As if he had been out of town on business for a week, not MIA for the last 3 1/2 months. The second time he called, I answered. My only words were, you have not called, text or emailed for 10 weeks, what makes you think you can just stop by?

It was at this point he lost it. Started screaming and yelling at me that it was all my fault and I wouldn't let him talk to him, etc.

I hung up. I spent more years than I care to count being screamed at and berated by this man. I do not need it and I am not going to put up with it.

After I hung up I sent him a text, reminding him he had been served with termination papers (Termination idiot... as in you can not just stop by out of the blue) and asking him to please do the right thing by Zack and just go away and let him be happy.

The response I got from him was irrational, at best. He text me that he would never walk away from his son (isn't that what he already did... he hasn't contacted us in 10 weeks) and that he had 3 of the best lawyers in town on it and I better not mess with him.

Mmmmm.... hmmmm... that big talk may work with some people, but it stopped working on me several years ago.

I just text him back and reminded him that he was facing 5 felonies and 4 misdemeanors and SEVERAL years in jail. That he had no case.

He left me with a text simply saying, that is what you think. Have a nice day.

Then, about an hour and a half later my phone lit up. When I looked, it was a text from him. It simply said, "Can I call my son and tell him happy birthday and that I love him and I miss him?"

Huh? What? I looked at it, re-read it. Put the phone down, pulled it back out when Jim got home, had him look at the series of texts from an hour earlier. Was I unclear in the TERMINATION part? Was I unclear in please just go away and let him be happy? No, no it was all pretty clear, and yet, there it was, a text acting as if that whole series of texts before had never happened.

At that point, all I could do was default to an Al-anon slogan I learned early on. You can't argue with crazy. You are trying to rationalize something which is 100% irrational.

He is, without a doubt, irrational at best, delusional at worst. Stuck so far into his addiction right now that nothing he says or does makes any sense to someone on the outside looking in. It is sad and scary all at the same time and all I can do is pray that the judge sees this our way and does what we feel is in Zack's best interest right now to keep him away from all of this.

4 comments:

kbreints said...

good grief....

Jennifer B. said...

Who is going to pay for all the lawyers he needs??? Good job not arguing with crazy!

makingmonkeysoup.com said...

Oh boy. He's nuts.

I have a friend who was able to get her crazy ex-husband to terminate after he was put in jail for not paying child support.

Then after the termination, and the kids' adoption by their then step-father, he would call and ask to see "his" kids. Just nuts.

Hopefully the judge can see all of this for what it is.

OHN said...

Document, document, document. The more you can show the easier you will make the judges job. Get a printout from your cell provider of all his texts to you too. Especially if any have been threatening.

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