Resigning as a Grown Up

This morning I had to take my favorite pet, my cat Lex, to the vet to be put down.  His health had been failing for a little while but we figured he was almost 13 and bound to be slowing down.  Then on Sunday we could tell something just wasn't right.  He just laid around our first floor, meandering from room to room but never going upstairs where he normally sleeps, or downstairs where he normally eats.

Sunday night I knew the time was near, yet I didn't want to make that decision.  I kept hoping he would make it for me.  Yesterday when I got up he was sitting in the kitchen and it looked like he was drinking some water.  We had brought some food to him on Sunday night and it appeared that maybe he had taken a couple bites.  I was holding out hope that perhaps he just had a cold or something and would get better.

When I got home from work last night one side of his face was twitching a little and his eyes had started to sink back into his face.  Yet still, I tried to hold out hope.  I went to the store and bought some canned cat food.  He licked it but would not take a bite.  I put some in his mouth and he tried to chew but it kept falling out and he couldn't eat it.  It was at that point that I knew it was over.

I'm not sure that I remember the last time I cried this much.  I cried and cried last night until I finally fell asleep and this morning, as soon as I saw him lying on the kitchen floor barely able to move or make a sound it started all over again.  I spent most of this morning in a state of completely choked up or crying.

Finally at 7:30 when the vet's office opened I called and made the appointment.  My wonderful friend Jess agreed to meet me there since Jim had to go to work and couldn't get off.  I knew what had to be done but I wasn't sure I could actually do it.  Make the decision to ask the vet to take him from breathing to not.

I cried the whole way there and when we got in I could barely utter a sound.  Luckily Jess was there because the people in that office wouldn't have been able to understand anything otherwise.   The vet looked at him and asked if he had been losing weight for awhile.  I told him probably a couple months but we just figured it was his age.  He said he was dehydrated and probably anemic and at this point he felt we were doing the right thing.  Somehow, knowing I was doing the right thing, hearing him say I was doing the right thing, still didn't make it any easier.

By 8:15 it was over and he was back in my van in a box.  We will bury him in our yard tonight and then take on the task of trying to explain it all to Zack.

My eyes are burning, and I'm sure pretty puffy.  I am at work but not really working.

I hate this part of being a grown up.  Can I resign?

Some People Never Learn

FoTB is in jail again.  Gee, that didn't take long did it?  He is now charged with felony theft and two counts of probation violation.  From what I understand there may be more theft charges coming.

We are ready for all of this to be over.  We knew he would screw up again when we signed the post-adoption agreement.  We knew he would never get to visit Zack or come to his activities.  That is why we signed.  I just don't think either of us thought it would be this soon.

After 30 days in jail he will have a probation revocation hearing.  If they revoke his probation, the agreement is null and void.  If they do not revoke his probation then we wait for him to be convicted of a crime.  Any crime will do.  Even if they plead the felony theft down to a misdemeanor as soon as the plea is accepted the agreement is null and void.

We have decided to change Zack's name as soon as that happens.  If there was anyone left in Zack's life with that last name we might consider waiting and letting him chose but there is not.  No one he knows, no one he visits has that last name.  We feel like he should have the opportunity to be part of our family, to fully feel included.  If he turns 16 and decides he hates it and wants to change it back, he can.  Although, I doubt at that point he will.

For us, this part is more for us just watching an enjoying not being stressed by it.  The termination is over.  The adoption is over.  All that is really left is if we change his name or not and that is the least stressful part of the whole thing.  Which is wonderful.  After all of the ups and downs of the last year it is so nice to pull up the inmates website and know that no matter what happens, it no longer affects us negatively.

I am SOOO glad we filed and went to court when we did.  I am SOOO glad to have the majority of this behind us.

Now we can focus on t-ball and decorating baby rooms and getting ready for kindergarten.  (**sniff, sniff** how is my baby going to kindergarten in 10 weeks??)

Wait, stop... back that up.  10 weeks.  Ten...  wow, how has time flown.  I'm not ready, someone hold me....  :-)