Friday, March 30, 2007


Today is a good day. I just got off the phone with a counselor from a long-term residential treatment program that may be a good fit for Jake. Up until this point I have not been able to find a program that was 3 - 6 months. Everyone I have talked to before is a 30 day program. For some reason that seems to be the norm in this state.

So... that means that we are having some success or at least progress in that area. Jake got word that he will be transferred to his first treatment program on the 13th. So, we had a few dark days this week as he grappled with the fact that he will be in the psych ward for another two weeks. However, once he got over his anger and moved into acceptance his attitude has gotten much better.

I took Zack to see him last night and he seemed to be in a really good mood. He has quit smoking and is working out now. He said he walks two miles with some of the other addicts and then is doing push ups and sit ups in his room before bed.

I spent most of yesterday in a dark place as well but I am starting to claw my way out. The visit with Jake helped. Seeing him positive about his treatment again gives me a lot more hope than I had earlier this week when I thought maybe we were all wasting our time. No matter how many people told me that he would go through a very angry stage I'm not sure I was really prepared for how ugly it was.

The other thing that is going well is that Zack is starting to feel much better. For the last three nights he has slept from 10 or 11 until 4 or 5. So that is GREAT for the both of us. He wakes up in a good mood and so do I. We are also starting to get the hang of getting ready in the mornings. For all of Jake's faults, he is PHENOMENAL with his son and was a huge help to me when he was there.

He would hold him and feed him and change him so having him to pass Zack to so I could shower or get the bottles washed or whatever saved me a lot of time. When my friend used to tell me how long it took her to get ready in the morning I used to laugh but now I understand. The first day it was like 2 1/2 hours. We now have it down to about an hour and a half or so depending on how many times I look around and think oh wait I need to do that....


kreints said...

Yep - mornings with Kids start a lot earlier than with out - that is for sure! You never believed me when I told you that! I am sorry that Jake had to go through that Mad stage- One down... there will be more... at least you know what they are like and that they pass.

spellconjurer said...

I can not begin to tell you, how much respect and admiration I have for you. I'm pretty much in awe of what you are capable of as a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, an employee, an advocate for your husband. Someday I will face something that seems impossibly difficult and I will think of you, Jake, and Zach and I will pick myself up, and get on with it, with you as inspiration.

spellconjurer said...

Zack even,,,,,sorry for getting that wrong. I'm not used to it yet I think!

Anonymous said...

What an inspiration you are, Heather, as spellconjurer says. I read your story and can't help but think what a beautiful human person you are - how strong you are to be facing these trials and coping so well - even on dark days are you strong - look into Zack's eyes and take strength from him - and tell Jake to do the same.

you are one amazing lady!

Anonymous said...

It may be stressful for you to have to take care of Zack alone but right now I see it as a much better way than the alternative. I would rather take care of my child myself than wonder what could happen if I tried to pass them off to someone you can't currently trust. You are much better off doing this alone right now as difficult as it may seem you can do it!

JessOlson said...

Maybe you need to introduce me to "anonymous" sounds like we are very much on the same page.

Sometimes I wonder if you miss the idea of what you imagined Jake to be as a father. The very little time he has spent taking care of his son should not be glorified against all that you have done and all the choices he has made that put you in this very difficult situation. Being a good father is doing, showing, stepping up!
Don't share the credit, Give credit where credit is due and right now I see a lot of credit coming your way! Keep your chin up dear; your doing a great job! YOU are a great mother!