Thursday, May 31, 2007

Tripping Over My Own Two Feet

Well my last post hasn't even been up for two hours and already I'm offending people. Believe me when I tell you that was NOT my intention. I was not out to say one friendship was better than another simply to say that I have had and still do have all types of friends.

Both of the people that have been over at my house helping me clean have been WONDERFUL!! They have put their hands into some pretty questionable items and still they continued with their mission. My friend has come back night after night, week after week and this weekend we have FINALLY completed 95% of the cleaning of my house.

It has been messy. We have found some paraphernalia items that Jake hid throughout the house and also cleaned up some messes that my cats left that really should have been taken care of months ago. I have no excuses for my lack of house cleaning skills I can only say that I greatly appreciate her effort and her resolve to make my house a much cleaner and more organized environment.

I also didn't mean to make it sound as if she has no reasons for not hanging out with Jake. She does. He has been mean to her in more ways than one. There have been incidents in restaurants where playful banter has turned into angry words. If I were to make excuses I could say that people on drugs do mean things but I don't need to make excuses for him any more.

The anonymous commenter had it right when they said that my friends are looking out for my best interests and I am aware of that. There is a part of me that is sad because all of this happened and there is a part of me that is sad that I can't just go back to a "normal" life but that is not my friends fault. That is something that has happened in our lives and we have to deal with it.

If Jake is serious about his recovery than he will come out of this place with both feet firmly on the ground and he will take as many steps as is necessary to win back the trust and respect of all of the people around him. If he is not serious I will see it in the faces of those who I hold as my dearest friends and I will lean on them for support as I close the book on that chapter of my life.


L said...

Whoa boy...there are lots of strong feelings here so I'll try hard not to step on any toes.

As an outsider to your situation, once again I appreciate your honesty and your ponderings on the issue. You gave me a lot to think about in my own life. I wonder how good of a friend I’ve been to others going through difficult situations. I rethought my feelings on friendships in my own life that have gotten stronger or waned during stressful times.

One question I have for you that maybe you can write about some time (or maybe not, you have enough on your plate without us in the peanut gallery throwing questions your way). How do you view Jake's addiction? Is it a conscious decision on his part? A biological illness? Or a little of both?

You say you don't want to make excuses for Jakes behavior. You shouldn't have to. Medical experts now recognize that like alcohol addiction, drug addiction has a HUGE biological component. Simply defined, it is an illness. You've probably heard this before many times - some of the best research on addictive behaviors comes from the University of Iowa. Obviously you can’t blame it all on genetics or brain biochemistry but recognizing it’s a huge part of the illness often changes how people view a drug addict.

You shouldn’t have to keep a fa├žade of normalcy. Would you have done so if Jake had cancer? Drug addiction can be just as malignant and relapsing. I understand why you didn’t want to share the information but I’m sorry we live in a world of stereotyping and misinformation that made you feel that you had to.

I’ll sign this as anon to avoid any knives thrown my way. :) Though it will probably be obvious who I am.

Jessica said...

I am appalled that drug addiction and cancer could even be used in the same sentence. While I fully recognize drug addiction as a disease there is still a choice factor to some degree.

Having just lost my grandma to cancer and my mom having maligmant melanoma I would do ANYTHING send them off to rehap and have the cancer go away.

Anonymous said...

I'm appalled at how naive some of your comments on your situation are!

From having some experience with friends and loved ones going through similar situations, Heather, go with what is right for you. Does it really matter what causes addiction? Does it matter if it's any more or less a disease than cancer? It's still a disease and some diseases are curable, some are not.

It's pretty obvious reading from the beginning of your entire saga that when you were withholding information to others, you were also lying to yourself. I think that all of this coming out has made you be much more honest with yourself, which is the first step with being totally honest with everyone else.

If some of your friends don't want to be understanding of Jake and his situation and if forgiveness is necessary, if they cannot forgive, then I'm sorry to tell you this, hon, but they're not exactly the best friends you can have. I wouldn't blame any of them for being a little apprehensive of your situation. Watching Jake's every moves when he's in the house for a while... it will take time for him to build back his trust and I'm sure he's learning that in his rehab.

You're right to have those feelings that some of your friends may abandon you in your time of need when Jake gets back. While some won't flat out admit it, their replies basically confirm your thoughts, but with a round about, beat around the bush, maybe kind of way.

You're strong Heather. You've been through a lot. Don't fret over that right now. Worry about getting Jake home, healthy, happy... and after that if in your new improved life you find new friends, than so be it. Those who truly love, honor, and respect you as their friend know what they have to do, need to do, and should do, and it shouldn't take a blog or a reply for you to feel that its true.

Anonymous said...

Big words for an anonymous person!

Look I can do it to...it's a lot easier to hide behind that little feature.

Anonymous said...

Oh my! And I thought there were bigger fish to fry then arguing about being anonymous! But when it's stuck in your face and you have no defense I guess you'll resort to the little things to feel better about yourself. Good comment, Anonymous #1, sorry #2 had to stoop to that level.

Heather said...

Personally I don't care if you post anonymously or not. BUT... I don't think that you need to attack each other like school children either. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion based on the facts and circumstances that they know. Some of my friends IRL may know certain details that I have not posted here where as some of you here may see things from a different view point then them.

Please, don't attack eachother. If you have something to say about my situation say it. Feel free to shout it from the roof tops!! But leave the name calling and the other commenter bashing at the door please

spellconjurer said...

I think people just want to protect you from feeling attacked.