This is Living...

This morning Footloose came on the radio. As I listened to the upbeat music I glanced in my rear view mirror to see my son, in his newly acquired sunglasses

swaying back in forth with the music. As I watched him for a little bit my heart just swelled and I turned up the music a little louder and swayed back and forth with him. (I apologize profusely for anyone who had to see my corny dance routine!!)

No matter where we go, no matter what happens, I am happy now for the first time in a long time and THIS is living...

Friday Confessionals

(On early Saturday morning....)



I have never sat through a symphony or choir performance, in person or on TV, without getting goose bumps.





I saw the soloist tonight (another post... but left me feeling blah.....) and I realized how much I LOVE music and how much I miss it. Somehow I let that part of my life go and I would very much like to get it back.

Unfortunately, some of those venues tend to be rather pricey but I will have to see what I can do about that. I'm hoping in the next few years I can add several symphony concerts, musicals and choir performances to the list of things I have done.

What's with all the songs?

I'm sure most of you have noticed that I have posted an unusually large amount of music posts lately. Music and writing are my out. If I could have done ANYTHING with my life it would have been singing and writing. But alas, I became and accountant. I know... right??

Anyway, for me, music has healing abilities. I don't just listen to the beat, I listen to the words. I try to find the message of the song and when I do, and it helps me, I listen to it over and over and over again.

This is something that I somehow lost when I was with Jake. I don't think in any way it was his fault, it was just one of the things I gave up to be the person I thought I had to be. Well, now that I have a little more time to myself I'm finding myself DYING to write more and also to get a music collection together. The writing will be happening here, and there. (That's code... 10 points if you can figure it out... ;-)

And the music...

Well... I've started my list....

Now all I have to do is get me one of these....

Unfortunately... the list is the cheaper of the two. I've bid on a few on ebay but they all go out of my price range. Because my music is SOO varied and I sway back and forth a lot on what I want to hear I decided I wanted one with a screen so I could find the songs much easier.

So... for now this list will say among all of my other scratch paper notes at work and eventually, hopefully sometime this summer, I will pinch enough pennies and find a good enough deal and one of these will be mine.

So, hopefully that explains the music a little more. I'm guessing you will probably be seeing it around here for awhile. The music and the quotes.

You Found Me

The Music Video is here... I can't Embed it so you will have to click on the link....

I found god
On the corner of first and Amistad
Where the west was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I Said where you been, he said ask anything
Where were you?
When everything was falling apart
All my days were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of first and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you?
Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

In the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who’s ever known
Who I am, who I’m not, who I want to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Early morning, City breaks
I’ve been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never send me no letters
You got some kind of nerve, taking all I want

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you where were you

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

Why’d you have to wait?
To find me, to find me

- The Fray

Friday Confessionals

I don't want a divorce....

.

.

.

.

I'm raging a lot right now against this. I don't want it but not for the reasons you are probably thinking. I'm not in love with my husband right now. I'm not missing him at night or craving his love and affection during the day.

I don't want a divorce because it means I failed. I failed at something I tried SOOO hard to fix and I couldn't fix it. I couldn't make him better and I couldn't make us better and I couldn't make all the hurt and the pain go away.

I don't want to be the statistic. The 50% of marriages that end in divorce. I wanted to be the 50% that didn't. The ones who grew old together and told our grandchildren about how it was hard at first but we worked through our problems and made our marriage work.

That will never happen and I'm crying now just writing this. I don't want to be married to him but I don't want to feel like a failure either.

Without You