Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Anger Management...

So much has been happening since last Friday that I'm not even sure where to begin. Often when there is a million different things running through my head I find it helpful to make a list, so that is what I'm going to do. Please excuse the somewhat jumbled format of this post but if you have questions or want me to expand on anything, feel free to leave a comment or email me.

  • On Friday, Zack had a great day at daycare. As a reward, Jim picked him up and too him out to dinner and then they had boy time while I went to a meeting

  • On Saturday FoTB got his first full day with Zack since the end of May

  • Rather than spend that day at home, bonding with his son and catching up on all he missed he chose to get in a car with his girlfriend and drive two hours each way to her Grandma's house (who has no air conditioning in this 110 degree heat)

  • So of the nine hours he had him at least four of those hours were spent in the car

  • When we picked up Zack at 5:00 pm they said the visit went fine

  • On Sunday, Zack wet the bed again

  • He had not wet the bed in over a month

  • Then he cried in church

  • He never cries in church

  • Then he refused to sleep, two hours lying in his bed grinding his teeth, clenching his fists and most importantly... not sleeping

  • Monday he had an appointment with his counselor where I expressed my extreme concern at the behaviors we were seeing after just one nine hour visit with them

  • When I left the room his counselor asked him if he was scared

  • He told him yes

  • He then asked him what his dad did that was scary

  • Zack told him a story of FoTB yelling at the girlfriend's son and then slamming on the brakes, pulling the car over to the side of the road and trying to get Zack out of the car but he couldn't because the girlfriend locked the doors

  • After a text to the girlfriend it was established that this incident happened on Saturday when they were having a visit

  • It was 115 degree heat index on Saturday, what the hell did he plan to do? Stand on the side of the road and wait for his mom to arrive?

  • On top of which, he had not had a full day with his son in over 45 days and he couldn't control himself for nine hours

  • Consequently, we now know exactly why Zack wet the bed on Sunday morning

  • Lawyers were called, game plans were made, an email was drafted and then sent to FoTB and to the girlfriend explaining our concerns

  • There is no law against him acting like an idiot and yelling in front of his son

  • So we went with the honesty approach, we stopped sugar coating everything when it comes to him and Zack

  • The email explained to him that Zack is terrified of him and that every time he acts like this he only makes it that much worse

  • It explained that if he does not get his act together and start controlling himself it will not be us that decide that he can't see Zack, it will be Zack who decides that he doesn't want to see him

  • I hate all of this

  • Every bit of it

  • Zack has to go there for two hours again tonight

  • He has only been over there twice and already they are once again questioning him and making him question his thoughts and feelings

  • Why don't you want to spend the night over here? You have fun when you come here don't you? etc.

  • It makes me sad for him

  • Did I mention I hate all of this?


kbreints said...

:( What a mess. Poor Zack.

Kelly said...

I hate it too. So frustrating. Poor Zack.

OHN said...

ARGHHHH. The courts need to LISTEN TO THE CHILDREN that are afraid. What kind of parent (I am talking about fotb here) "loves" his child so much that he doesn't care if the child is scared, tired, hurt, hungry etc etc. I know the courts can't curtail visitation because of the 'two sides to every story' rule, but any moron can see that Z is being traumatized.

Yo-yo Mama said...

I am so sorry this nightmare continues. I wish there was something we could do.