Monday, November 15, 2010

He Calls Him Dad....

From the moment Jim and I got serious the question we have been asked the most is what does Zack call him and how does FoTB feel about it.

From the beginning, he called him Mr. Jim. He was used to calling everyone Mr. & Miss at daycare so it only seemed fitting that it carried over. Then when it became apparent that Jim and I were moving in a much more serious direction we had a talk. You may remember it from this post, and it was decided that he would call him Daddy Jim.

We talked with him about how special he was to have two daddy's and how both of them loved him very much. I didn't, however, discuss this with FoTB. This was my fault. To my face Zack always still called him Mr. Jim so I didn't think it was necessary. Then one day, about a month after we had the talk, he was with FoTB and he called him Daddy Jim. And FoTB snapped on him....

He told Zack that Jim wasn't his daddy and he wasn't supposed to call him that. That he was supposed to call him Jim and do you know what my 3 1/2 year old son did?


He argued back with him.

He put FoTB in his place and told him he WAS his daddy and that Mommy told him he could call him that and he wanted to call him that.

And after a somewhat heated discussion at a DHS team meeting the next day where I informed him in no uncertain terms that he had NO right to tell Zack that and that Jim had spent more time with him and was more of a dad to him than he had been... that was that.... Daddy Jim it was and never another word was mentioned.

And then slowly.... ever so slowly... the Jim has gone away. He only uses it now when he wants to distinguish between the two of them. If he wants to tell me which one he will say my Daddy Jim or my Daddy J@ke. (Yes, he knows his name....)

When we are at home or out in public, it is just dad or daddy. And what does FoTB think of it... I'm not sure he knows, but I know whatever he thinks it is... it makes him insecure. He has started calling, EVERY night. It used to be every other night, then every week night. This weekend it was EVERY day. He calls to tell Zack he loves him. Do you love Daddy? Do you miss Daddy?

He has also been talking to him about step-parents. I found that out from Zack this weekend. Apparently at some point they have reinforced to him that Jim is not his "real" dad, he is his step-dad.

And do you know what Zack did? Any ideas what my now almost four year old has done with this information?

He walked right out of their house last Sunday, opened up the car door and said HI DADDY!!

Because to him... Jim is still just dad.....


Kelly said...

This is really awesome. I'm sure that it makes Jim feel really special too.

kbreints said...

Yep. he is an awesome kid. Very secure in his beliefs, and that is really great. Way to go Heather!

Amanda said...

I agree! It is so wonderful to see that he's confident enough to stand up for something he knows to be true. I'm so happy for you both that you've found this time and place in your life. You deserve it.

B said...

Please please please please don't take offense to this. Words can come across ion so many ways. When I read this, you almost sound like you're gloating. I really hope that's not the intention. I forced myself to read this about 8 times but to me it comes across as 'victory! He likes the new guy better!' The part I found inspiring is maybe this was the kick in the zipper bio-dad needed to step up to the plate. I love that he loves Jim as a daddy too, but it would be doubly as fantastic to have 2 amazing men. I know bio-dad is far from amazing, but maybe this is a push in the right direction. Great job instilling in your boy the strength to stand up to what he believes in. I can't wait to read more!