Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Deal with the devil....

I've been thinking for two days about how to explain to you what went on at mediation on Monday and the closest think I can use to describe it is what I told to Jim on Monday night. I feel like we made a deal with the devil.

The lesser of two evils was negotiated.

He came in to mediation and basically spent the whole time saying poor me... I'm a victim here. He did not worry about Zack once. His demands and desires were solely for his benefit. Even though we had talked about Zack's stress at overnights and even though he had originally agreed that he would do whatever needed to be done for Zack, once he was in the mediation room overnights were off the table. He was keeping them, Zack would need to adjust. They would put him to bed earlier or they would limit his fluids.

I never wanted to face punch someone so much as I did right at that moment. Luckily we were in two separate rooms for mediation so all I could do was sit in my room and fume.

In Iowa, we heard from three different lawyers, it is almost impossible to get overnights taken away if a parent is currently clean. As far as we know, he still is. (I think we will be testing him again next week) So our only option was to give on something so he would give on overnights. That something ended up being supervision.

I am sick to my stomach....

We also had to agree to take Zack to a new counselor. He said we picked this one and the counselor was on our side. That we had told him everything and he already didn't like FoTB before he ever met him. This will be the third counselor my son has had to see in 4 1/2 years.

Our side of the agreement, from now until the foreseeable future he only has him every other Saturday 8-5 & Sunday 8-5. No overnights until the new counselor says that she or he feels it is appropriate. I'm hopeful by that point he will be five. Maybe five and a half and more able to cope with what is sure to be the added stress of having to stay over there again.

If we are lucky she or he will never recommend overnights. Or FoTB will decide that this person is mean to him too and that they don't like him and then we will have some more evidence against why he is a crappy parent. Not that we don't already know that. Heck, the mediator met him for 3 hours and she knew that. She all but told us that... right before she said but unfortunately, in the state of Iowa you have to lay more groundwork. What he has done is bad but it is not bad enough and here is how you lay the groundwork in case he fails at this too....

How is it that someone who only knows him for three hours can know that but the family court system in our state can not?

A deal with the devil.... the best we can do... and now we pray....


Kelly said...

I am so sorry, Heather. My stomach was in knots while I read this.

So how do you go about finding an agreed upon counsellor? Will FotB even meet with him/her?

If the mediator thought this of him, I'm sure that she has thought it of other cases too. Legislation in this state does need to change, that is for sure. A letter to your representative may be a start.

Courtney said...

this makes me sick. Praying for you and zack. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR