Thursday, August 11, 2011

Thoughts on Visits

Did you have fun?

Yeah.... Mom?

Yes buddy...

Dad didn't make any bad choices when we were at the beach.

Well that's good.

Did you have fun playing at the park?

Yeah... it's good that you were there.

Yup, I told you I would stay the whole time.

But he didn't do anything bad at the park.... if he would have I would have had to tell you.


Mediation is on Monday. I'm torn. Zack has wet the bed both days after his nine hour visits. FoTB hasn't called to talk to Zack since last Friday. And even then, he was calling to talk to me... Zack was sort of an, if he is there.

Last night he had a visit at the park that I supervised. (He didn't want to do it... he wanted to move the visit so he could be at his house sitting on his couch. I made him show up at the park and interact with his son.) I had to tell him what to get for Zack for dinner. When I told Zack what he was bringing him this was his answer:

Mom, did you tell him to go to McDonald's to get the chicken nuggets? If he gets tacos did you tell him Taco Bell? Did you tell him what I like on them so he gets the right stuff?

Even at four and a half he knows his dad does not know those things about him. If Jim was the one bringing him food he never would have even questioned me. That dad knows what he likes. That dad knows him, the other one visits him.

Once he got to the visit and they ate he looked confused on what he should do next. I made him leave his girlfriend's son at home so it was just him and Zack. One on one time and he looked positively out of his skin on how to handle it. (We have figured out that for the most part Zack goes there and he sends him off to play with the other little boy or takes him to his mom's to play.) Finally he just started following Zack around. He was the only parent of a child over 2 in the play structure, just following him around doing whatever he did for an hour and a half.

When we got done Zack said to me:

I wanted someone to play with, so I just played with him.

He is an uncle, a playmate, a guy to hang out with. Not to be trusted, not to be alone with, but ok to be around for awhile.

And here is where I am torn. Zack doesn't trust him, he doesn't want to be alone with him and he doesn't want to be with him for long periods of time but he does seem to want some interactions with him. So I am back to feeling like it is in Zack's best interest for him to at least have some contact with him.

I know FoTB will fight me on this. I know he will want to go back to every other weekend, (no overnights) but in all reality, thus far 9 hours on a Saturday has been too long. Wouldn't it be best for Zack to see him five hours and be happy than 18 hours and be miserable? How do I make FoTB understand that?

I am hopeful that Monday will bring some answers but I am not holding my breath. This could still be a long road...


Courtney said...

Pray Pray Pray and stick to your gut. You're Zack's best advocate. Great job mommy!

kbreints said...

Ditto what Courtney said---