Say What?

Yesterday at daycare Zack dropped the f bomb. He is three.

All I could think when I talked to the director was oh great... now I am the mother of THAT kid!!

I text Jake right away and the answer I got from him was "Where did he hear that? I NEVER talk like that around him!" Ahhh... yes... oh man who has, consistently over the last SEVERAL years used that word as a part of almost every sentence he says.

But in truth, I don't know that it was him. I have a teenage babysitter who was over on Tuesday night. I have a teenage niece and her two friends who were over on Saturday night. He is around workers at my parents house and Jake's mom has been known to curse too.

Heck, it could have been me for that matter. As I was telling Jim last night, Zack got up in the middle of the night Tuesday night saying he had to go potty and wanting water. I tried to give him a drink of mine and he whined and it was 2 am and I was not happy. I have NO idea what came out of my mouth at that hour. I don't remember it....

Either way, I think the fact that he said it did not make me nearly as angry as the MANNER in which he said it. He was apparently saying it with a group of his friends. The teacher heard him and told him to stop and removed him from the situation. He continued. So she put him in time out. He continued. So she took him to the directors office.

One and done I can handle. This, was a bit more than that. Last night I made him close his eyes when I picked him up from his dad's house and he went straight to bed as soon as we got home. This morning I made him apologize to both of his teachers again and told him if he said it today I would take his gator away.

Now, I just keep waiting for the phone call.... please tell me I'm not the ONLY one who's child has said something wildly inappropriate!!

Finding My New Normal

It's very surreal to me to discuss normalcy with people. For so long what seemed normal to everyone else was never a part of my life. I lived so long in dysfunction that I had created my own "normal."

Now, things are changing. A week ago I got to see Jim for five nights in a row. I never wanted him to not go home so badly in my life. That weekend was the first time I can remember in the past 13 years where I had what I had wanted so much for so long. I had a NORMAL family weekend.

We did nothing spectacular. There was lawn mowing, weed eating, a trip to the dump, two trips to Lowe's, and two trips to Hy-Vee. Yet in that weekend, that weekend of mundane household chores, I finally found what I have been looking for. Normalcy.

I didn't have to wonder where he was or when he was coming home. I didn't have to bargain with him that he could go out and do something after this was done or that was done. I didn't have to pry him off the couch to help me or fight with him over getting this done or that done. If anything, there were moments when I wanted to just sit on the couch and he pushed me to finish up some of the yard work.

It's funny to me that the things people so often take for granted are the things I have spent so many years longing for. So many years wasted but so many more wonderful years ahead of me.

Right now, normal is just great with me.

Casual Conversations

I have a post written.... in my head....

Which is a very fine place for a post to be, accept when it never makes it out of my head. Today it is raining and I'm tired. My after tax season crash has been the worst the last two days. Last night I did nothing.... no really... nothing. I convinced Zack to stay in with me and watch a movie and I sat on the couch until it was bedtime.

Then at 8:00 I messed around on the computer for a bit and by 8:45 I was in bed. Had Jim not called at 9:15 I probably would have been asleep. As it was, I'm pretty sure I was out by 10:00, if not before. And today, in the dreary rain, I just want to go back to bed.

So in lieu of actual content I will share with you the conversation that Jim and I had the other night about my birthday dinner. This is just a small sample of what life is like with us.

Oh goody... I get to dress up. U wearing that blue shirt from the wedding or is it too hot cuz it's long sleeved? I like that shirt... a lot.... I'm just sayin....

I can wear that shirt if you'd like. It's your night.

I like the shirt. I like you in the shirt. I'm not dressing you though. You can decide if you wear it. I'm just saying I wouldn't complain.

And in between the lines, I'm reading "yes, that's why I said that. You damn well better wear it, it's my birthday"

I laughed so hard when I got his final message I was worried I would wake up Zack. It is so nice to be with someone I can laugh with and be happy with.

Meeting M

I have a secret to tell you.... I'm bad with alias's. And... I'm tired of M's. I keep forgetting to call him that and then I have to go back and edit and really, the reason he had an alias in the first place has long since passed. The man has told me he is going to marry me... I think he deserves a name and a permanent place on this blog.

So, without further ado... M's real name is... Jim.

And one year ago today, I met Jim for the first time on an Internet dating site. Imagine that, me doing something online. Who'd a thunk??

Our first communication was through a couple of eye contacts. On the site I was on you have to pay to be a member and send messages. If you don't pay all you can send are these corny eye contacts. Since I had just spent the better part of the last 13 years of my life paying for EVERYTHING, I had NO intention of joining the site. If a guy wanted to talk to me, he was going to pay to send me a message.

So, for the first few hours all that went back and forth between us were these messages:

My eye contact to him (yes... I made the first move... so to speak):

"Just sayin' Hi!"

His eye contact to me:

"I'd like to know more about you."
Mine back to him:

"Ooooh! Send me a message!"

And that... my dear friends is how it all started. It's a miracle we ever got together when that was what we had to work with. I have been thinking about today a lot in the last month, how I have now reached the point where I have been a full year thinking about someone other than Jake. A year and one month ago, I never thought that would be possible.

So today, I'm going to smile just a little more as I think about those cheesy eye contacts and the first beginnings of a relationship with a man who has truly changed my life.

Post Season Do

The change is not nearly as dramatic as we were hoping for. Because my hair was so blond on top it didn't take the dark color as much as she was hoping. So, next time I go in she is going to try going dark again and see if we get a bit more of a contrast.

Before:

After:

Post Tax Season Hangover

No, I'm not discussing an actual hangover. Although the possibility for that was more real this year than in any other year in the past. In fact, people of the Internet I have crossed a major milestone I feel I should share with you. Because really, if not with you... who else?

On April 15th, approximately 17 days before my 30th birthday, I, Heather Hamilton, got drunk for the very first time. And guess what? It was kinda fun. :-)

I have been working for my current company for almost eight years and as such this was my 8th after tax party but the first one in which I have partaken in the "festivities." I invited M. His job was to make sure that I did not make an idiot out of myself in front of my work people and also to make sure that I was able to get up the next day and fully function as there was a lunch date that I just couldn't miss.

While he did make sure I made it home and woke up Friday hangover free, I'm not 100% sure he didn't contribute to the fact that I had to leave the party at 9:30 pm to make it so. I'm a lightweight, a HUGE lightweight, so I'm sure that didn't help my cause either, but M did give me 2 shots on top of the other drinks.

Either way, I had a great time, I relaxed, I had fun and I am now just sort of coasting for a bit. Every year after tax season there is a week or two in which I have to play catch up. This weekend we cleaned up the yard, mowed, chased cows (not part of the plan) and started to try to kill off some of the weeds. M informed me this weekend that my yard should be green. All green. Not green and yellow and purple. I ask you... what fun is that?

Then yesterday I went and got my hair cut and colored, (I'll post pictures tonight or this afternoon) I attempted to find the dirt under the weeds in my flower bed, and last night I fell into bed at 9:00 and was asleep by 9:15.

I have so much to say and so many things to ponder, it will just be a matter of getting back into the blogging habit. Getting away for three months helped me, more than you can imagine. I needed the break to make the full transition from the old site to this site. To fully be ready to bring me back here.

So bare with me. I'm sure it's a lot like riding a bike. I will look a bit like and idiot for awhile and may fall on my face more than once, but I will get the hang of it and be back blogging interesting stuff before you know it.

Back from Hiatus

Did ya miss me?

What? You didn't even know I was gone?

**sniff, sniff**

I feel so loved.

Either way, I have survived yet another tax season. Things here are pretty much the same as they were when I left, so at least that is good. I have a million posts running through my head so I should be back on a regular basis starting next week.

For now, I will leave you with a picture that was taken of Zack and M last weekend. It makes me more happy than I could possibly explain. Right now, for the first time in many years, life is good.