Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Finding My New Normal

It's very surreal to me to discuss normalcy with people. For so long what seemed normal to everyone else was never a part of my life. I lived so long in dysfunction that I had created my own "normal."

Now, things are changing. A week ago I got to see Jim for five nights in a row. I never wanted him to not go home so badly in my life. That weekend was the first time I can remember in the past 13 years where I had what I had wanted so much for so long. I had a NORMAL family weekend.

We did nothing spectacular. There was lawn mowing, weed eating, a trip to the dump, two trips to Lowe's, and two trips to Hy-Vee. Yet in that weekend, that weekend of mundane household chores, I finally found what I have been looking for. Normalcy.

I didn't have to wonder where he was or when he was coming home. I didn't have to bargain with him that he could go out and do something after this was done or that was done. I didn't have to pry him off the couch to help me or fight with him over getting this done or that done. If anything, there were moments when I wanted to just sit on the couch and he pushed me to finish up some of the yard work.

It's funny to me that the things people so often take for granted are the things I have spent so many years longing for. So many years wasted but so many more wonderful years ahead of me.

Right now, normal is just great with me.


kbreints said...

So you get what I have been talking about for so long.. I love me some mundane activities!! I love a weekend at home with 'nothing' to do... no where to be. Normal Rocks. ;)

LivingLifeBackwards said...

Isn't it awesome!!! Still 6 years out of my relationship with D-bag ex husband and in with new fantastic Hubby I am STILL in awe of the normalcy. LOVE IT! I didn't have as many years of eff'd upness as you did so I can tell you I'm 99.9% sure you will ALWAYS find the "normalcy" thrilling.

Jessica said...

I have never lived...what did she say?..."eff'd upness" and I find normalcy thrilling even after 15 years with my highschool sweetheart!
I am glad you are seeing beauty in small things!

Amanda said...

Many of those who most appreciate the simple pleasures and normalcy of life are those who lived without it. I'm so happy that you are reaching that place where you can really enjoy life the way it should be. :)

Anonymous said...

Well, normal...I know where Dave is. He's in the lazy boy. If I don't tell him to do yard work he usually doesn't. He actually said to me last night "we aren't spending enough time together" I kissed him & said I'll be back after mtg:)