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Monday, January 17, 2011

Appropriate Conversations

Last night when I picked up Zack from FoTB's I decided to approach the subject of meal time. Lately Zack has been being a typical four year old. Eating one or two bites and saying he is full or not eating any of something we know he likes and saying he doesn't like it.

So, I wanted to see if they were having similar problems at their house. When I asked the first question I was immediately met with defensiveness. No, he eats well at our house. Why? So then I explained further. Oh... well he does do that....

As we were discussing that FoTB got fairly loud and aggressive sounding. His answer to me was he tells me that but I don't put up with it.

"Today he took two bites of his sandwich and then told me he was full. I told him that was bullsh!t and that if he didn't want to eat he needed to get his a$$ to bed."

Exact quote, said to my four year old and repeated to me right in front of my four year old. I was dumbfounded. I didn't ask him to watch his language because I was having trouble believing that he felt it was ok to even say it to me in front of Zack let alone TO Zack!

After we left and we got in the car the realization of what just happened started to hit me and I was sad for Zack. While I agree with sending him to nap time if he refuses to eat, the way he went about it, the language he used and the gruff anger that he displayed towards a child who is already struggling with his relationship with him just appaled me.

And now, my question is, to I mention it? Do I say something to Zack about how it is not ok for his dad to talk to him like that and that I'm sorry he did? Do I say anything to FoTB or will it not matter anyway? Because really... when has he ever cared what I thought?

4 comments:

kbreints said...

HELL YES. I would talk to zack about it. Ask him how it made him feel. That is the sort of thing that he could leave pent up inside and then act up at school in another way-- because he does not know how to deal with what he is feeling.

AND YES. Stand up for Zack. ESP. to Jake. Let him know that speaking to him that way is unacceptable.

Poor little guy :(

Jessica said...

I wouldn't say anything to Jake. Knowing Jake as well as I do along with your situation I would fear that Jake would withhold what is said and done at his house if he thinks you are going to lecture him. While I believe Jake may have said what he said he said; I believe he may have played it up a bit for you to proof to you he "took care of it". I wouldn't say anything.

I would however; talk to Spike. Definitely talk to him about it. Lead by example and talk to Spike in the manner in which you and Jim think is acceptable is all you can do.

Just my two cents...

Krista said...

I am torn as to whether I would talk to Jake. Truth is, you are right, it is very unlikely that he will listen to you and I think it is very likely that he will then be less willing to talk to you about things later. It would be very hard for me to ignore but I think that would be the best choice.

But absolutely I would talk to Jake. I would tell him that it made me sad to hear his Dad talk like that and ask him how it made him feel and help him brainstorm age appropriate ways to cope with his father's poor judgment sometimes. Because kbreints is right, you don't wank Zack internalizing that. You don't want him to have anger and confusion over his relationship with his Dad and his lack of choice in that relationship, to influence other positive things in his life.

Kelly said...

I agree with what everyone has said, in some degree. Good greif. I just feel bad for Zack that he would get talked to like that at all.

I think I would also start compiling a log of some sort of these instances, just in case you would need something to go back and reference later on down the road.

Poor little guy. Kids this age eat weird anyway. Sometimes they just eat nothing. Then they eat like they are starving to death. It's just what they do.

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