Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Thorns, Roses & Rosebuds

I saw this on a blog I read and so I thought it would be a good way to close 2010 & start 2011. Ok, ok.... so I'm a couple of days late. Don't judge. It's tax season... (No Jess, that is not the last time I will say that... it may be the first in a series of times... possibly hundreds....)

Anyhow, you are supposed to list a thorn, which is a not-so-fun/sad/bad thing that happened to you during the year. Then a rose, which is a highlight of the year. And finally, a rosebud which is what you're looking forward to.

So here goes.

My Thorn: DHS's inability to fix and/or take away visits from FoTB and our continued tension. I would say over all this is the only thing that has put a damper on 2010. I went into the year really thinking that we were going to make some progress and slowly, through out the year, came to the realization that I was on my own. As long as he showed up, was sober, and didn't kill the kid that was all they were going to make him do before they dropped out. Stellar parenting skills were not required. (As evidenced by his "forgotten" dinner just a week ago.)

There were moments, through out the year, when I really thought perhaps things were getting better. Perhaps he was going to change some things. When he got rid of the first girlfriend and got this new one, things did improve greatly but they are still not perfect. If tomorrow he relapsed, I would not be surprised in the slightest. I still approach every pickup with a little bit of in trepidation for what I may find.

My Rose: In one word - Jim. The most wonderful man I have ever known. We started out the year just two people trying to figure out our relationship. On January 1st of 2010 he knew I loved him and I knew he loved me but neither of us were sure if that was going to lead to anything else. By the end of February things were starting to fall into place and by the first of April he was telling everyone that would listen that he was going to marry me some day.

In July he moved in and in August he proposed. I have loved every single second of having him live here with us and I try to make sure he knows that often. While our life isn't perfect, we still disagree, sometimes we fight, our life is as close to perfect as I would expect it to be. I finally have someone that I can trust with everything. Someone who didn't bat an eye when I told him that come January 3rd I was going to start getting up at 5:00 to go to work and he was going to be solely responsible for getting Zack up, dressed and off to daycare every morning.

And finally... my Rosebud: Our relationship and our new family. I am so looking forward to marrying Jim in June and seeing where this journey takes us. Every single day I find new things I love about him or he does things that still amaze me. I have only known him 19 months but I can not imagine my life without him now.

I am looking forward to seeing his and Zack's relationship grow as well. Often times, when he does bed time I will mute the TV and just sit down in the living room listening to them laugh and carry on. I LOVE that given a choice, Zack picks him for things. I love that Jim treats him no differently than he would any other child. That to them, they are father and son and I can't wait to see how our family changes and grows together in the coming year.

So if you all had to sum up your years what would your thorns, roses & rosebuds be?


kbreints said...

This is a great post :) Glad to see that you are breathing.... you know-- despite tax season and all...how many days left again? ;)

Jessica Hebenstreit said...

This was great! I posted mine as a facebook note on new year's eve. I'm not good at writing, so it's just a list under each heading.