Awkward Moments...

In 1999 Lemony Snicket published his first book in a 13 part series. The Series of Unfortunate Events. In 2004, Jim Carey stared in a movie, based on the books. Every time I pick up Zack from FoTB's house, I think of that phrase.

Although the events are not so much unfortunate anymore as they are just plain weird and awkward. Pickup time, a series of awkward events.

Take for instance a week ago. They moved. I walk into the new house and he waves his arms around and says what do you think? I'm your ex-wife. What am I supposed to think? Your girlfriend bought it on her own... I think that was a wise move on her part. Other than that... I just stood there awkwardly... ummm... it's nice.

And last night. Zack keeps asking about his birthday party. He wants to know if J can come to his party. When I got there to pick him up he said in front of them that J says he can come to my party. No, kid. No the son of your father's girlfriend can not come to the birthday party your mom and step-dad are throwing. Why? Grown up things dear. Grown up things.

And when he mentioned said party in front of FoTB there was the deer in the headlights look I got. As if he had NO idea that his birthday was soon. So I clarified for him, his party is this weekend, his birthday is Wednesday. It's in the decree that we split it every other year. This is your year so he will just come to your house as normal. It is? He will? Oh, ok.

Why yes, yes I do believe he forgot his son's birthday. He, of course, tried to salvage the moment by mentioning that perhaps they would have to have a party for him the following weekend. With who, pray tell, will you be having this party? It was at this moment that his girlfriend piped in with, well I've never let J have a party. (He's 7) I didn't want to be responsible for babysitting other people's children. So I'm guessing a party is out.

Then as I finally get Zack's coat on and head him for the door he pulls one final awkward finale. He pulls out Zack's Christmas present to show me. Look, this is what Santa got him. He really likes it. First of all, you don't need my approval on what you buy Zack. That stopped when we got divorced. Second of all, no, the fact that you got him a Christmas present does not make up for the fact that I am 95% sure you forgot his birthday.

Most of my time at pickup just ends up with these thoughts swirling through my head:

Can I go now? Is Zack ready? Come on kid... hurry up and get your coat.... Oh please, don't speak... no really, it's fine... silence is just fine...

Pickup Time: A Series of Awkward Moments