Thursday, May 20, 2010


One year ago, on May 20th, Jim and I had our first date. From the very beginning, he told me he had these "rules" about dating women. Rules I couldn't know about. Ways in which he was judging our relationship. Rules about how long he needed to date me, tests I had to pass, etc.

One of the first rules I did know about was his three month, six month, one year rule. Three months to really get to know someone and decide if you could continue to date them. Six months to really know if the things you found cute in the first three months have become incredibly irritating in the next three months. One year to know if you could marry someone.

For that reason I started counting days, weeks, and months from our very first date. I did it as a joke at first, to give him crap. Oh, I passed a month, are you going to dump me now. Oh, made it to three months, now it's time to judge the annoying habits I have, etc. After awhile both of us realized that it was sort of stupid yet neither of us really wanted it to stop. It was kind of a fun little joke between us.

Last week I sent him a text telling him that in the efforts of continuing with the high school tradition I had started I would like to see my "boyfriend" (a term I hate because it sounds like I'm in high school again) on our one year "anniversary." He laughed, I laughed. He's coming over tonight. No big plans just a quiet night at home, hanging out and laughing about that really awkward first date that occurred one year ago.

So in the spirit of celebration of all things corny and high schoolish I give you the email I sent to my friends the day after our first date:


So... the date. His name is Jim and we met at 7:15 and I have got to tell you, there was a moment there where I pulled into the parking lot, saw him standing out front and considered how I could leave....

He's a bigger guy. (No, Jess there is no push and jump) But he is not, by any means, the muscular guy that I am normally attracted to. However, I just told myself that we had been getting along so well over text message that I needed to at LEAST give it a try.

So I parked, walked up and the first thing I noticed was that he was shorter than me. Now this is not necessarily a deal breaker as Jess did buy me some pretty tall heals but it was sort of just one more thing in my column.

We had dinner and laughed and laughed and laughed. It was fabulous. So at this point, the only thing I'm unsure about is his body type. And a few odd Chris Farley flash backs I had. And believe me when I tell you I am NOT, in any way shape or form, a Chris Farley fan but there are some things he does to try to be funny that are so... well... not funny to me.

Anyway, we finally decided to go to the lake for awhile. So, I called Jess in the car and decided through talking to her that I needed to at least give him a chance. He didn't repulse me, I'd just never been with a guy who wasn't more slender than that.

So we got to the lake and the big chunky healed sandals that Jess bought me had a death wish for me. It was about five minutes into the walk when I proceeded to attempt to break my ankle. So after we laughed about it, I took off the sandals, rolled up the pant legs and walked barefoot the rest of the way around the lake.

I was pretty impressed by the lake, having never been there, and I tried to just focus on walking and talking and really getting to know him instead of worrying about anything else. It seemed to work and we ended up sitting in the sand and talking until they closed the park at like 10:30ish.

There were still some awkward moments but in talking with my sponsor I'm beginning to think some of that might be me and not him. When I get uncomfortable I make jokes. He seems to do that but I don't know that he's uncomfortable. Maybe he's just happy and likes to joke around. So I'm feeling uncomfortable for him when really he's not uncomfortable at all. My brain works strangely....

So, they closed the lake and we had to decide where to go. Since his house was like 10 minutes away and not much else was open at that hour that wasn't a bar we opted for his house. We sat on the couch together and talked until well after midnight.

Over all, I would say it started off slow but ended pretty well. When we were saying goodbye he told me I was definitely invited back so I guess that is a good sign. I need to just focus on each day as it comes. I don't have to decide if I'm going to be with him forever. Just that I had a good time last night and if another date is in our future that would be very nice.

I spent a good majority of yesterday and last night saying over and over, don't give him anything I can't afford to loose and this morning, I very much feel like I succeeded. Would I like him to call me again? Absolutely. Will my world end if he doesn't? Not at all. That for me is like 100 steps forward from where I would have been a year or two ago.

So... we shall see, overall GREAT night... VERY tired this morning.....


It is funny to me that the things that I most had a problem with then are the things I most love about him now. He might not be slender and muscular but his arms have held me tightly on more than one occasion when I needed someone to make me feel safe. He has never judged me for eating three sugar cookies and a Mt. Dew for breakfast and then complaining because I don't like the way my body looks. He has told me that he thought I looked beautiful from our very first date and every single day since then.

And that Chris Farley humor, it makes me laugh out loud every single day. Sometimes because what he says is funny and sometimes because I just can't believe it came out of his mouth. A year ago, I didn't laugh at much, now, I spend every day laughing and celebrating life.

A year ago, I never thought I would find a man who would love my son as his own, or a man who would tell me every single day he sees me that he is going to marry me one day. I never thought I would find a man who would treat me like a queen or a man who would bring me more joy in a year then I've had in the last 10.

So whether it is corny and high school or not, today I would like to say happy "one year anniversary" to the greatest man I know.

1 comment:

kbreints said...

oh I remember like it was yesterday getting that email. Happy Anniversary... to a great couple. Your meeting was no accident. It was very much on purpose...