Trip Down Memory Lane....

As the days have turned into weeks and the weeks have turned into months slowly the time has ticked by and without even realizing it almost a year has gone by since I met Jim. Sometime back in March I realized that this year had gone much more quickly than even I expected.

On April 22nd we exchanged our first eye contacts and since that date I have been slowly reading through our first emails. Jim calls me a dork for keeping them and an even bigger dork for reading them but I know, somewhere inside, he thinks all of this is pretty cool too.

There's a lot of them I won't share here but a few of them I will. A few that make me realize even though I'm a world away from where I was a year ago, I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

05/09/09 - Jim

And not so seem too forward, feel free to text or call me if that's easier for you. My number is ........ At least this way you have say over a phone number exchange. Just in case you think I'm nuts or anything ;-)

05/10/09 - Heather

Hmm... I just sent you a text. I'm BIG on text messages and e-mail, not so much on phone calls. Don't worry, it's not just you. I can just never think of what to say to people. So unless I have something I have to talk to them about or a big long story to tell I tend to stick to texts and e-mail. That way there are no awkward pauses and I know I'm not interrupting them in the middle of something. With my friends it's cool cuz I just say what I need to say and then get off the phone. With new people.. a little more weird. When do you end the conversation? What do you say to them? What if you say something you can't take back? With e-mail I can re-read it and think... hmmm... yeah maybe not. Phone calls it's just out there... ooops... now there's that awkward pause.... ;-)

So let's see, my perfect day? Family days. Maybe a picnic or a day at the park. Coming home when the sun is just starting to set, giving Zack his bath and the smell of his shampoo in his hair when I'm rocking him to sleep. Sitting on the couch with a good movie and knowing that just one floor away sleeps the most perfect creature God ever created. That is perfection, that is happiness. Seeing him smile, seeing him laugh, watching him sleep. Any day that contains any combination of those things is perfect to me. I know... cheesy huh?

05/10/09 - Jim

Now I know exactly what it is I want out of relationship, I won't settle just to be in one. I'm too old to be in a relationship that I know won't go anywhere. I know I won't give all my effort to it. So I figure it's not fair to me or her to drag it on. But when I find someone that brings the things out in me I'm looking for, then I'll commit to it.

05/11/09 - Jim

Girlfriend or wife, I have to feel like she is the best thing in my life. Not to "complete" it but just to make it better.

So more hard questions. Now that you've come out of a relationship that made you unhappy, what is it that you know will make you happy? Oh, and terms like honesty and communication aren't answers. Those are givens at this point in life. What matters to you specifically?

05/11/09 - Heather

What is it that I know will make me happy? I realize that honesty and communication aren't answers to you but when you have come out of a relationship that had neither of those two they sort of rank high on the scale. But for me specifically it is the little things.

For me to be happy I need a friend. Someone that I can share things with. Someone that I want to travel with, to go out with to just sit at home and watch movies with. When I look into my future I see a guy who loves my son as much as he would love any other children we have together. Someone who would sweep me off my feet. For me to be happy I want someone who puts me first. Who wants to treat me like a princess. Someone who knows the importance of family and good friends and fun and laughter. I want so many of the things I didn't get the first time around. Courting and flowers and love songs and romance and more children and belly rubbing when I'm pregnant and someone I can't wait to get home to who can't wait to get home to me.

Sometimes when you ask people what will make them happy they say money. Not an issue for me. That is why I didn't put my salary numbers on the website. No one needs to know what I make and I don't need to know what they make. It doesn't buy happiness. I know I make enough to pay my bills and if I make more than someone, fine. If I make less than someone... fine too.

A house, I own a house. Did I tell you that? It is a wonderful house that my grandparents lived in for 30 years. It sits on five acres and is the most beautiful place I can imagine. While it makes me happy to be there, and it makes me happy to know that I can afford to own it, I would sell it in a heartbeat if I had to. It is just a house.

I think when you go through so many dark times you learn to really understand what is important and what makes you happy and it is not anything material. It is someone who knows you've had a hard day so they offer to make dinner or do bath time or bedtime so you can watch your favorite TV show or go to bed early. It is someone who calls when they know you have a big presentation, just to see how it went or before just to tell you good luck and they know you will do wonderful.

Those things are what true happiness is made of, at least in my life. Consideration, honesty, respect. The rest is just icing on the cake.

A year ago he wrote those words thinking he was describing making sacrifices for a mystery woman he had yet to meet and may never meet.

A year ago I wrote those words, thinking I was describing some mystery man. Someone I hoped was out there but never thought I would find.

A year later, here we are. Both right where we always wanted to be.